Girls' Night....7, 5, 3, 1 (odd number countdown)

Girls' Night=

7 friends

5 hours

3 different places

1 AWESOME night!

Thanks, ladies! To all that we missed tonight: please join us next time, we missed you!!!!!

"Men are that they might have JOY"

AND....massages!

I forgot how good it felt. I haven't been in months. Today I finally redeemed a gift certificate I had for a one hour hot stone massage. HEAVEN! I so needed it today. Loved it. I love this spa, too. I have been impressed every time I have gone. Now...time to save up money so I can go again! :)

Torn Heart

So.....

I am so lucky right now to have the opportunity to talk to/ text/ date many wonderful men. Dating in your thirties was not my plan and it is a challenge, but it is also fun, too. I am letting the Lord guide my path.

At this moment (until the Lord opens another door or closes one of them), my heart really is torn: between the man I love and the man I have had "yes" answers on. It would be so much easier if the two were the same. But, at least for now, they are not. I am a "planner." I want to plan every aspect of my life. It is difficult for me to let go completely and let the Lord have the "To Do" list. But, that is what I want to and will do. I will leave it all up to Him and try not to figure it out alone. I've tried that. I cannot do it.

Right now, I am missing my kids as they spend an extended weekend with XDH. But, I am also enjoying accomplishing some of the things that are easier without children underfoot. I have been to work out, I am headed to the temple, and I am hosting a girls' night tonight. Life is good. I am happy. I KNOW I will always be taken care of and okay. I am truly one of the lucky ones.

Water Park Day!

Today I woke up so grumpy. I had a million things to take care of and probably not enough time. But, that is not why I was grumpy...I have no idea why I was grumpy, I just was. But, among so many other things to do today, I had made plans to meet a friend and her kids at a local water park. So, we went.

Here is J....it would've been a super cute picture, but the goldfish in his mouth ruined it a little.

This is K's best friend, E. They had so much fun together. We don't get very many opportunities to be together and I am so glad we did get to today.

By the time we were done, the grumpies were gone, the kids were happy, a sunburn was on my chest, and I had a new lease on life. :)

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We also picked up my dear mother-in-law on the way home. It is so wonderful to have her around. She got to join us last night for Family Home Evening and tonight for piano lessons, library, dinner, baths, and scriptures and prayer. Another evening in our family's life and we got to share it with her. What a great opportunity to build the generational bonds.

8.9.10 =

Today's date!!!!

I am such a numbers girl and I have been so excited waiting for today.....8.9.10 only happens once in a lifetime. :) I wish I could be born today or get married today or do something else really cool. But, it is just another day, only memorialized by this post.

Summer Trip...Continued..FAMILY ROCKS! (June 25-June 27)

I cannot believe how many pictures I have to go through! We really packed it in while were out of town last month. After being in Idaho, we drove to Utah to my awesome and incredible sister-in-law's house. They had a bunch of family in town for a wedding, but they still lovingly put us up unexpectedly. What a great example of hospitality and love.

The second night we were there, we went to Savior of the World...a musical performed by the youth of the Stake. It was incredible. The Spirit was very strong. I know it touched me and I know it touched C. K was still in Texas with our good friends. We were missing her and wishing she was there. Here are those family-filled days in pictures:

Papi O. and J at Savior of the World....these two have a very special bond and I have dozens of pictures with Papi O carrying J.
On Saturday, we went to a festival where my other dear sis-in-law was painting faces and applying glimmer tattoos. Both were very cool. My nephew, A, was also in town for football camp. We had the extra special and unusual opportunity to have all the grandsons together at once. So...of course I had to take a picture.

All the grandsons with their grandpa.

These three cousins absolutely love each other. Crazy kids.

More boy cousin time.

J and his cousin, G, loved each other so much. They are only a few months apart. Every afternoon, either L or I would read them books before they both laid down for a nap. Here is L reading to them.

Told ya there would be another...I didn't even realize I uploaded two of them. :)

S, CR, and C....in their Sunday best...on a trampoline. Usually it is not a Sabbath activity, but....cousins are together only so infrequently that we bent the rules.

Me with my dear in-laws. Oh, how I love them!

J and G playing together. Later, KB, the oldest of the cousins came out and drew with them. She is so good with them and all the kids love her.

A and me. Wow! He is so tall. When I first joined the family, he was only 2 or 3. Wow!

CB giving rides to G and J. They all had so much fun. It was like pulling teeth to get them to come in again when it was bedtime.

How I love, love, love our family! We always have a wonderful time. It makes me so wish we lived closer so the cousins could experience more time together. We are counting down the days until we get to be together again. I think it will be for Thanksgiving since I don't have the kids for Christmas this year. Maybe XDH will take them for Christmas. They would love to go twice in the fall/winter!!!!!

Exhausted...for good reason

Wow! I am sooooo exhausted. I haven't yet recovered fully from my spur-of-the-moment trip out of town. And....this week we have gone glasses shopping/purchased glasses, spent a lot of time with my in-laws who made a surprise visit into town, went to Six Flags in 108 degree heat, and went to the museum (with my in-laws). I am absolutely exhausted. I cannot remember ever being this tired....I don't even think I have recovered from my trip to Colorado/Utah/Idaho. More fun tomorrow, too. :)

Here are the last few days in pictures:

This other state I visited is sooooooooooooo pretty. I had never been there, but it reminded me of Portland (I used to live there). Above is a picture I took as I drove to return the rental car. It doesn't even do it justice. WOW!

Above is a view from the plane as I was going home. Looking through the window, I spent hours thinking of how immensely awe-inspiring God is. All flesh is in his hands, including me and my odd trip out of town.

Home.

Now for the kids and their glasses. Above is the "before" picture and below is the "after." Both of them chose their own glasses and I think they did a GREAT job!

My dear father-in-law with J. They love each other and we all love ice cream in this heat. Yesterday we broke the rules and ate ice cream first before lunch! Oh well, this we only get one life, we have to live it, right?

Now, Six Flags. This was the first thing we did and we were already sweating to death. HOT!

Lunch. C intentionally made a silly face....it wasn't that he had food in there. :) Silly kid.

Up in the tower above the park. Beautiful.

This is my very favorite ride....maybe in my whole life. C and I rode it and I absolutely LOVED it. I could've done it all day long. This picture was taken from up in the tower.

Ready for the parade after a very LONG day!

The light parade was so fun!

Today at the museum. We went to a Leonardo Da Vinci exhibit. He was so amazing. Here is K after helping recreate an arch.

Another part of the exhibit was creating and testing a suspension bridge. Here is J with Papi O.

C's wheels were turning in his brain as he used materials to invent a windmill.

K created a tower (with a "K" on top).

She also created a fan hat with a fan always at her disposal (stuck in the back).

At the energy exhibit...Papi O, Mami R, and C, J, and K. We loved being together.

J is shopping...very seriously, of course. Not a job to be taken lightly!

They have an outside fountain outside the museum. Perfect for a day like today. On the way home, we read a sign that put the temperature at 115. I think it might've been a little high, but probably not too much. Yikes! That is hot!

K and C loved the fountain and were soaked. Papi O and I each went through once and got drenched that one time! If you look carefully, you can see C's face with pure joy through the fountain. It was the end of a wonderful day. :)

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It is now 10:12 and I am so tired. I will read my scriptures and go to bed. Hopefully receiving enough energy to be ready for the Primary activity tomorrow morning! ZZZZZZZZ... (good night).

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PS....I am trying to not share too much personal information, but I have to mention that CK and I are taking a week-long discovery break. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I definitely know that I miss my best friend.

The Craziest Thing I Have Ever Done

I had a prompting Saturday at the temple that seemed absolutely insane. But, the urgency kept building. I decided I would follow the prompting and fly to an unknown city. I started planning on going in two weeks. Yet the urgency never left, in fact it kept pressing on me. So, less than 24 hours ago, the thought FIRST crossed my mind that maybe I should just fly today (now yesterday). Less than 24 hours ago it first crossed my mind and now I have flown there and back. For a girl who plans EVERYTHING that is CRAZY! I had a little less than 30 minutes to pack, find someone to take my kids and head off to the airport. I bought a ticket and hopped on a plane. Once there, I rented a car and followed my prompting.

It was EXACTLY what I was supposed to do. I know it was. I have probably never been more sure of a prompting. BUT I have no idea why. Instead of understanding better why, I have more questions. I don't know that I will ever understand why. I just know I spent $900 and went 800 miles and back in 20 hours and I don't regret it at all. I KNOW I had to go. Just still no answer on why.

This morning I returned the rental car and got on my flight back home. Here I am exhausted and back within less than a day. All I know for sure is that I followed the Lord and I can't go wrong with that and that I did the bravest thing I have ever done all by myself in a strange city because of that prompting.

Our unexpected vacation..Finally an update!

I have started this post at least half a dozen times.....there are so many pictures from our trip that I start loading them, then I have to leave to do something else. I really want to remember it, though, so I am working to catch-up!

Before I continue: an update:

• CK came and went. We have been lucky enough to see each other every three weeks. I wish it could continue at that frequency, but it probably won't.
• Summer is really busy. Having 3 kids 24/7 is hard. Being a single mom is much more difficult than I imagined, and I really did think it would be hard.
• I have an odd prompting that I am going to follow. There are many times I really don't understand the Lord, but hopefully it will all be clear in a month.
• I absolutely LOVE my calling. It is a lot of work. I know, however, that this is truly where the Lord wants me right now. I have been reassured of that multiple times. I am grateful to the Primary President and the Bishopric for listening to this prompting. I know it is where I need to be. I love the primary children more than I can describe. How lucky am I!

Okay...the pictures.... (only June 21-23)

J and C at a rest stop in Colorado...almost to my parents...day 1 almost done!
J and C at a rest stop in Wyoming....already on to Day 2

Me with CK's amazing friend, C. Without even knowing us, she took us in, watched the boys while I went to the hospital, fed them dinner, gave us a place to sleep, and became an instant friend. I absolutely love her!

C's girl, M, that is C's age (whoa...too many initials!).

Visiting my grandparents' grave in Idaho.

My boys and I at the Idaho Falls Temple...gorgeous! I wish I could've done a session there.

C at the falls.

The falls with the temple in the background. So pretty!

J helping work at CK's brother's house. He loved working with D.

Me with CK's sis-in-law, K. Another instant friend! She is amazing....talented, gorgeous, loving, understanding. What a blessing to meet her. I also met CK's mom at this time, but she declined the picture. She is amazing, too. It was odd, yet just fine, meeting all of them without CK there and I just could not pass up the opportunity to meet them.

Stay tuned for more........(hopefully sooner rather than later!)......

Goodbye....Again

Life never goes quite as planned. It is a long (and difficult to explain) story that CK and I have with a future that is still unknown. CK came and visited me for the third time. And....for the third time we had to say goodbye. Tough. Tough. Tough. Thank-you, CK, for driving so many hours just to see me. Thank-you!!! -sigh- Saying goodbye is tough. Every time.

Happy

What a difference from the last few days...happy today! :)

So Lonely

We are super busy. Always so much to do....never enough time to do it all. I am trying so hard to be a good mom, but I am still failing miserably. I feel so alone. The burdens I carry seem heavier and heavier and the help and support seem farther and farther away. Who can I tell that my rash on my face is back and hurting and that I now have to go to the doctor for the 5th time regarding this? Who can I tell that I was on the phone with Dish Network for almost two horrid hours? Who is there to be excited with me for C finishing all his Wolf requirements for cub scouts? This might be "but a small moment," but in the middle of it all, it seems unbearably long.

Time Has Run Out

CK and I were hoping it never would. But, it did. Both of us felt it separately today at church. It is time. I ache, but I am ready to do the Lord's will. I hurt, but I know He won't lead us astray. I want to still be CK's best friend, but I know we crossed that line a long time ago and it is impossible to go back. A lot of lonely days and nights are ahead, but, in the words of Garth Brooks, "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance." I love you, CK. You know that, right?

Happy Birthday, C!

C turns 9 today! I love him so much. I am so impressed with the way he is maturing and growing up. He is all boy and it is so much fun. I love his smile with his dimples. I love his nurturing way that he loves me and his siblings (when he is not fighting with them). I love his desire to serve and help others. I love his sense of responsibility. He is a wonderful boy that is rapidly growing into a wonderful young man. I am so blessed to be his Mami. Love you, C!

4054 miles

We are home. :) We drove a total of 4054 miles and took 724 pictures (even after deleting many!).

It is good to be back. I have a lot of "real life" facing me now, but it is good to be ready to tackle it! We saw many people we loved. We also missed seeing many people we loved or even people I wanted to meet for the first time. It was such a whirlwind and so unexpected and, therefore, unplanned.

Colorado

We made it through the first leg. :) We are in Colorado at my parent's house. We are sitting at over 3200 miles already and a large chip in the windshield. :( It was so difficult to leave my sisters-in-law and their families and my dear parents-in-law. I love my family with all my heart.

CK update: I miss him a ton. We know that for the immediate future we have to be apart. We both have a lot of growing to do. We are excited to see what the future will bring for us. Together or separate, we will be okay. We know it. Heavenly Father loves us.

Final thought: I absolutely LOVE Time Out for Women. I didn't get to go last year, so I bought the DVD. I have been listening to it in the car (I can't really drive and watch it at the same time). I love it. The Spirit is so strong. The messages so true. The worth as a daughter of God is so tangible. The love of my Father is confirmed. I am so blessed to live in a time that I have this resource for me.

Non-Stop

We have been going, going, going, and going. It seems as though we don't get a second of free time, which might be true, but the memories made in the last two weeks will last a lifetime. In the last week, I have met a friend from middle school days, had the viewing, picked up CK, had the funeral, gone to Idaho to CK's family, participated in 4th of July festivities with his family, back to airport to drop off CK, church, family testimony meeting, temple square, visiting with amazing friends that moved from Texas to Utah and that I love so much, fireworks, and much more. It has been a whirlwind.

I actually considered extending our vacation another week and adding in some fun and unique things for the kids and I. BUT, as I prayed about it, it didn't feel right. It would be another week and a lot more driving. We are tired physically, we are tired emotionally, we are tired financially, and we are just plain exhausted. So....I will be driving again tomorrow. I already have 2700 miles under my belt and driving doesn't sound fun. Coming home does, though. I will miss my dear family so much (I still wish I lived next door), but home is home and I am ready to go.