Friday, December 3, 2010

Where do I fit in?

So...I have many, many pictures to post from Thanksgiving, but my laptop died. Luckily, I have this dinosaur computer as a back-up, but it is soooooooooooooooooooooooo slow that it isn't much fun to be on the Internet at all. :( Hopefully it will be fixed soon.

I have had a few difficult days in a row. :( (For different reasons)

Today was better. I paid to have J watched so I could go do some much-needed Christmas shopping.

But, now, I am wondering just where do I fit in. It will be my first Christmas without my kids. I am heartbroken over that. It just isn't right. My in-laws will all be together, except me. I love them. They love me. This isn't fair. My kids want to be with me, but they don't get to choose where they go on Christmas. That isn't fair either. Thank goodness they will be with their cousins.

I am so lucky to get to be with CK and his family on Christmas, but I don't really fit in there either. I am excited to get to know them, but, so far, we are not engaged or married, so I don't quite fit in there yet either.

This isn't how it is supposed to be. It hurts. A lot.

Luckily, as I have struggled over the last few days, I have been reassured that I really do not need to do this all alone. Soon, I will have a partner and helpmate. I need him. He balances me. He takes care of me. He is there for me. Truly, I should not be complaining.


The 7B's said...

We will miss you sooooooo much!

Robin said...

I'm sorry, its a tough place to be. We can all say its going to be easier, but it sucks being in right now. Hang in there, thats kinda all any of us can do.. I love you

Anne said...

This year will be hard it seems, but I'm so happy to read that you keep a positive twist on everything. Next year will be better yet :)
I don't know if not having kids around for chirstmas ever gets easier- it still hurts me too :(

Jess said...

My husband has had to work almost every Christmas Eve and Christmas for years. This year he's working and he's pulling overtime shifts. We just remind the kids that God didn't set a day to celebrate His Son's birth, people did. So whichever day we honor God is okay. Then we choose the closest day that Daniel doesn't work and pretend it's Christmas. We even have family members who in the past have preferred celebrating a different day with us so that on the 25th they can just have their immediate family at home. My sister is coming this year to celebrate with us the Monday after Christmas. That's Daniel's only day off that week. Christmas isn't a day, right?