So...I have many, many pictures to post from Thanksgiving, but my laptop died. Luckily, I have this dinosaur computer as a back-up, but it is soooooooooooooooooooooooo slow that it isn't much fun to be on the Internet at all. :( Hopefully it will be fixed soon.
I have had a few difficult days in a row. :( (For different reasons)
Today was better. I paid to have J watched so I could go do some much-needed Christmas shopping.
But, now, I am wondering just where do I fit in. It will be my first Christmas without my kids. I am heartbroken over that. It just isn't right. My in-laws will all be together, except me. I love them. They love me. This isn't fair. My kids want to be with me, but they don't get to choose where they go on Christmas. That isn't fair either. Thank goodness they will be with their cousins.
I am so lucky to get to be with CK and his family on Christmas, but I don't really fit in there either. I am excited to get to know them, but, so far, we are not engaged or married, so I don't quite fit in there yet either.
This isn't how it is supposed to be. It hurts. A lot.
Luckily, as I have struggled over the last few days, I have been reassured that I really do not need to do this all alone. Soon, I will have a partner and helpmate. I need him. He balances me. He takes care of me. He is there for me. Truly, I should not be complaining.
15 hours ago