Sunday, December 26, 2010
I miss my kids. I want to talk to them every day, but they seem to get really worked up and emotional when we talk. I think they don't really think about it until they hear my voice.
Christmas was perfect. It was also CK's birthday. Great, too. :)
I am so happy. CK is absolutely perfect for me and I am so happy. I had a Bishop tell me at the beginning of everything starting with XDH that there would be moments of joy and hours of sorrow. He was right. But, now it is the opposite....moments of sorrow and hours of joy. We are meant to be and I am so happy. :)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
- My computers are both fixed! Thank-you, P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- I spoke in church on Sunday. I don't mind speaking in church. I am always amazed at how Heavenly Father takes my few hours of preparation and multiplies it, and how when I try to put things together MY way, it doesn't work, but when I do it His...it just flows. I am so grateful.
- I woke up Saturday morning without a voice (Yep, I spoke and sang in church on Sunday without much of a voice!)
- It has gradually become me feeling sick. Yuck!
- I am surprising CK with something when we meet today. I am soooooooooooo excited. I think that is why I woke up and could not go back to sleep.
- It was 81 degrees yesterday. Perfect! I am headed to Idaho today....high=36 degrees. YIKES!
Now, for the early Christmas. My kids are gone. DH picked them up last night and they are probably close to the airport right now. I am so glad that they are going to be with my in-laws. They are all amazing people. I love them all-every one of them. :) It has been a couple of rough weeks as they anticipated separating from me for Christmas. DH really came through this weekend, however. He allowed them to spend extra time with me. This gave them some greater respect for him and they were more ready to go. It makes me soooooooooooooooooooo much happier when they are okay.
Last night, then was a little like Christmas Eve for us, so we treated it like that.
First, we went out to dinner (a family tradition for Christmas Eve) to Logan's Steakhouse. It was so fun. We laughed and laughed. J loved throwing the peanuts on the floor. K and C decided to pretend they were doing a challenge in Amazing Race and try to have all the peanuts in the container gone before our food got there. They almost made it and we did finish the entire can before we left! :)
Monday, December 13, 2010
I am excited for Christmas, although there is still much more to do than can possibly be done. :( I am looking forward to being with CK and A and CK's family. I am dreading being without my kids. They are not wanting to go with their dad for Christmas and it just doesn't seem fair that a mere piece of paper (the divorce decree) determines what happens to them, not their own choices. But, this is the life they have to deal with and I ache for them. I am not a child of divorced parents, but, seeing it through their eyes, it really stinks. :(
Yet, overall, life is good. I have a great house, good friends, an amazing ward, a wonderful calling, outstanding children, a Savior that loves me individually, and a man that thinks the world of me and treats me better than I have ever been treated in my life. Funny story: I went to the hospital to be there for a friend late Saturday night/early Sunday morning. CK lives 700 miles away, yet he didn't sleep well until he knew I was home and safe-about 3 AM. It feels good to be worried about.
Friday, December 3, 2010
I have had a few difficult days in a row. :( (For different reasons)
Today was better. I paid to have J watched so I could go do some much-needed Christmas shopping.
But, now, I am wondering just where do I fit in. It will be my first Christmas without my kids. I am heartbroken over that. It just isn't right. My in-laws will all be together, except me. I love them. They love me. This isn't fair. My kids want to be with me, but they don't get to choose where they go on Christmas. That isn't fair either. Thank goodness they will be with their cousins.
I am so lucky to get to be with CK and his family on Christmas, but I don't really fit in there either. I am excited to get to know them, but, so far, we are not engaged or married, so I don't quite fit in there yet either.
This isn't how it is supposed to be. It hurts. A lot.
Luckily, as I have struggled over the last few days, I have been reassured that I really do not need to do this all alone. Soon, I will have a partner and helpmate. I need him. He balances me. He takes care of me. He is there for me. Truly, I should not be complaining.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
First thing Saturday, we went swimming. It was fun. A obviously loves it.
After getting cleaned up and ready to go, we went out to a yummy lunch and then visited the Gateway Arch. Very cool.
Friday, November 12, 2010
It has been an odd week for me. I have struggled with my children. I have followed a prompting and it is taking some time. I have had an on-going headache. I have felt a little disconnected from my life. Today is better.
But, I just had an experience I have to document-at least for myself. I was reading a few paragraphs in a book I own. It talked about a temple sealing from the view of the sealer. My eyes watered. And then I realized what had happened. My eyes FIRST watered as I anticipate the joy of being sealed to CK. THEN, my eyes watered as I thought with sorrow on the temple sealing that I had with XDH. It was supposed to be for Eternity. It is not. But, I have another chance with a man that loves me even more.
Not so long ago, the sorrow would've come first before the future joy. The tide has changed. I am so glad.
As part of my prompting, I have been needing to revisit how I felt at the beginning of all that happened with XDH and me. I am so grateful for the loving hands of a Father in Heaven who has protected me and taken care of me through every day, every heartache, and every difficulty. I am sooooooooooooo blessed.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
So, what do you do with a day that wasn't supposed to be?
- Clean the kitchen extra well.
- Clean out / organize your daughter's closet (I only spent an hour here....it will need more)
- Take your 4-year-old to the new library storytime (old one is better).
- Talk to a great friend that moved away a couple of years ago...talked to her for over an hour.
- Eat lunch and laugh with said 4-year-old
- Mow, edge, blow out, and prepare for fertilizing your front lawn.
- Get ready to go to the temple tomorrow.
- Wash sheets and re-make beds.
- Go mentor a 3rd grader at the elementary school.
I am such a list person. I always have much that needs to be done and even more that I want to do. It is nice to have this unexpected day. :) And, tonight will be super duper busy, but tomorrow I get to go to the temple (hurray!) and then we have a calm week. That hasn't happened since school started. -sigh- So nice. And then, Friday I head to see CK. I can't wait. 3 days!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Okay...I am obviously not blogging as much as I want to. Life just has so much wonder to fill it with-24 hours just isn't enough. But, it is what I've got and so....I want to blog about this last week of life.
First, I got the best email/letter/card/note that I have ever received yesterday from CK. He is so perfect for me. I am grateful for a Heavenly Father that knew that and brought us in to each other's lives in a way that would work. Without some of the bumps along this path, we would've gone down separate roads and missed the joy we now find together. It is amazing how much clearer things are when looking back. I see Heavenly Father's hand in everything that happened, even the moments of heartache.
Second, I have now listened/watched/read all of October's conference talks at least once. I feel so blessed as the Spirit of this conference is present in every aspect of my life. I feel so incredibly lucky.
Now, for the events of the last week or two:
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
But, this weekend was perfect. CK was here and I couldn't have dreamed up a better weekend....from the first hug to the last tear goodbye, it was perfect. As I sit here and ponder about the weekend, I remember back to two years ago. Life was tough. I asked my home teacher for a blessing. I distinctly remember in that blessing the words, "Happiness is right around the corner." It took me longer to get to that corner than I would have liked, but now that I have turned it, I am so happy and I know the promises then have been fulfilled in a way that I could never have imagined. So, this weekend....Friday night CK's flight got in about 8. I took the wrong exit and was late getting to the airport and then there was traffic. It was so frustrating to be able to see the man I love and him me, but not be able to be together as we waited for the traffic to move so that I could pick him up. That night we played games, ate a little supper, watched a movie, and cuddled. It was perfect.
Saturday, CK made me breakfast...yummy! Then we worked on cleaning/organizing the garage. It was so fun and I loved getting something done that has needed to be done for a long time. We even went and bought wood to create some shelves in my garage. Again, perfect! Lowe's and CK.....What could be better!?! After cleaning up, we went out to lunch-such a great date! Then, we came home and prepared for the kids to come back. We went to trunk-or-treat and then had a late dinner of crepes. Sunday, we went to church. That afternoon we went to my sister's for dinner. It was so fun. I am glad that they have a chance to get to know CK and CK them. After the kids went to bed, we read scriptures and prayed, just like every night and then.....looked at rings online. :) I am in awe at how blessed I am to have the opportunity to marry this wonderful man. The time is not yet, so it seems like forever, but it will be here quickly. (The picture below is of CK getting the steaks ready for dinner-hence the gloves.)
Monday, we got the kids ready and out the door to school, got ourselves ready, played Rockband, ate lunch, and drove to the airport. :( :( So hard to see him go. When he left there were only 11 days until we will be together again, but 11 days seems like torture. I never knew how people could do long-distance relationships, but now I know....the only options are to stop dating or to just deal with it. I choose CK and dealing.
It is difficult to describe how perfect he is for me, although I want to. Here are just a couple of things:
- He laughs at me. :) Never in a rude way, always out of love. I am learning through this to not only laugh at myself, but that it is okay to not be perfect. This is one thing I love about him so much. It is like my mistakes are cute to him, not end-of-the-world and I so appreciate that.
- He respects me. Most would laugh at our "line" and how conservative it is, but I know he would never try to push it into somewhere we both don't want to be until we are married. I am so grateful for this.
- He works hard. He desires to help me with whatever task lies in front of me, from dishes to the garage to Christmas shopping. He genuinely desires to make my life easier. I know we are still courting, but I definitely believe that this won't change much as we transition into being married. It is difficult for me to let go and allow someone to help me as I have been working alone for so long.
- He loves the Lord. He is always the first to suggest we read scriptures and pray. He is quick to want to attend the meetings that we should be at. He loves the words of the prophets and we have both enjoyed reading Conference talks from 1971 (the first ones available on the website) together.
- He is patient with me. I have some trust issues left over from the pain of the last couple of years. That trust cannot be developed in a single day, but he waits patiently, displaying at every turn that he will not leave and that he will always be here for me.
I am so lucky. I am so blessed. I feel that the Lord has indeed taken care of me and led me to true happiness for me and my children. This is the first day of the rest of my life and I am so grateful. :)
Friday, October 29, 2010
But tonight I just had to post that I am walking out the door...headed to pick up CK from the airport. :) Only one hour. I am so excited. I am so grateful to have such an amazing man love me, want me, and take care of me. I am lucky indeed.
Oh and it is XDH's birthday today: Happy Birthday! Hope you love your presents! :)
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Here is J with C and A:
J with C again...they are such great friends! -
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Now, this weekend I had the amazing experience of attending Time Out for Women. This is my 4th or 5th time and, as always, it was incredible.
I came away with a greater appreciation for my Savior, Jesus Christ. He is everything. He is the true source of Hope. I know He lives.
How lucky am I??
Here are a few pictures from Time Out with the people that I love so dearly. I forgot my camera was still on no-flash from K's choir concert...so this isn't the best, but it is with amazing women that I love: Me, Sis. W., A, and A.
More special women: A, me, and M.
My good friend, J, with me: