Last night, LD comes running into my room, awakened by a nightmare (spiders were going to get him). I immediately pulled him up into my bed, hugged him tight, and promised, "It's okay. I am here. I will protect you." As I said these words, I new wave of fresh emotional realization rushed over me. There is something I have been subconsciously hurting about: I failed my kids as their mother. Mothers are supposed to protect their children. My children are hurting so, so, so much and I cannot protect them from this pain. Oh, how I feel I have failed them.
On a little bit of sillier note, last night I threw a tiny temper tantrum against myself by not reading my scriptures (I had that morning, but I usually do at night as well). I still prayed, but I was so depressed and hurting that I chose to avoid doing one of the only things that would bring me peace: reading my scriptures! Silly me.....it really didn't hurt anyone but myself. At least I woke up this morning laughing at the silliness of that choice.