Christmas Snapshots

Finally! Some pictures from Christmas. It was great!!!!! Looking back, I can't believe all that we did in such a short time. What a blessing to be with CK and A for so many days. :)

It all began with me having the same layover and same flight in to SLC from Phoenix. It was supposed to be a surprise, but my excitement caused CK to ponder about it until he figured it out. He is too smart. :( It was still amazing to get to fly next to CK and A, especially since CK and I hadn't seen each other in 3 1/2 weeks!!!!!! WAY TOO LONG!

We spent the 23rd and 24th visiting with family and friends. It was awesome! I loved getting to know CK's family better (or for the first time).

By Christmas Eve, however, we were back at CK's parents' home, ready for the Christmas festivities to begin!

Here is A, ready to go see what Santa brought:
That afternoon, the family all came together, including CK and Dad and Grandpa. Can you see the family resemblance?
One Christmas tradition that Mom does is a pinata. It was cool in the garage, but so much fun!!!

December 25th is not just Christmas, it is also CK's birthday. Here he is opening a gift (from me!). I hope he loves it!



The next day was Sunday. The funny thing is that CK's family lives in a tiny town, a very small town. My aunt and three of my cousins and their families live there, too. Small world. We went and visited my aunt Sunday night.
Also on Sunday night, all the grandkids performed the nativity story. A got to be Mary. :)
Monday, we got to spend some time at the local school gym playing basketball. I haven't played in a while and I really stunk, but it was so fun!
It didn't snow the entire time, UNTIL the day we had to drive down to the airport! And then it dumped. It was fun, though. A had a great time playing in it! The roads were pretty bad, but we drove slowly and were blessed to make it to our destinations safely.


I was supposed to spend a day and a half with my in-laws before heading home. The stomach flu and the storm changed that a little and I only got a few short hours with some of them. I was sad that I didn't get to see them all, but life doesn't always go as planned, now does it?

CK"s mom had had all her grandkids design plates and she had them made as part of their Christmas gifts. She included my kids this year, which touched me very much, especially since they weren't even with us. They were so excited to open them!
We spent a lot of time in airports. I think C got bored. :)
Finally! We are home. We got home on Dec. 30th, late. We came home to a huge mess, but worked that out and we were ready for "Christmas" on Dec. 31st. It was nice to have CK and I and all 4 kids all together. It felt so wonderful. J was not excited about getting Sunday clothes, though. His face is classic!
C was much more excited. He had no idea that his "something to wear" present was a new suit! The first thing he checked....if it had an inside pocket! Mom was smart and made sure before she bought it!
I cannot remember which one of them gave the other a present, but they were giggling, hugging, and rolling on the floor together!
Do you think C was excited about his new bike????
As I mentioned in the last post, after we finished with presents, CK proposed to me! I did have a picture of the ring....I just couldn't find it before. It is so beautiful and sparkly! I love it.
Finally, New Year's Eve with my sister and her family:
We also did presents with them. Both C and K got guitars! They love them!!!!
And, to end it all, New Year's Day: K comes down with the flu. We went to the doctor and it was Type A influenza. Poor girl. She had a blessing and really hasn't felt horrible, just exhausted. She sleeps and sleeps and sleeps. Today is her first day back at school.
There you have it! Christmas 2010! Awesome!

Happy 2011 to y'all!!!

ENGAGED!

So.....I just don't have a good picture for this, so I guess I am going to have to do it in a thousand words (that should equal one picture, right?). Part of why I don't have a great picture is that K came down with the flu and life revolved around getting her to the doctor and better as quickly as possible.

First, vacation was wonderful. I had a great time with CK's family. They treated me as if I already belonged and I felt sooooooooooooo at home. I love them already and I am so grateful. We had some bumps in the road due to a stomach bug and nasty roads, but it worked out in the end. I didn't get as many days with my in-laws as I had planned and that is a big bummer. When I got there, though, I realized yet again how much I love them, how I missed them, and how grateful I am that we have all chosen to remain family, even through the divorce. It was AWESOME to see my kids again. I had missed them a lot. It was okay, though. I think it was easier than any of the four of us expected.

We came home to do "Christmas" with CK and A. We opened gifts and enjoyed being together. After all the gifts were opened, CK asked us all to sit on the couch to take a family picture. He set his camera on self timer and then came over to us. Instead of joining us for the picture, however, he got down on one knee, explained how much he loved me and my kids, how much A loved me and how we belonged as a family. He then pulled out a gorgeous ring and asked me to marry him. I said "YES!" I love him. I loved that our kids were included in our proposal, that they will always have that memory of "Dad" proposing to "Mom." I feel so taken care of my a loving Heavenly Father that has sent me this man and worked everything out according to HIS timing.

So, we are engaged. We are going to be married and sealed in the Temple, so we don't have a date yet. We were both sealed to our former spouses and have to wait for clearances to have those canceled so we can be sealed to each other. We also have to wait for CK to find a job here. It is so exciting, yet still a waiting game.

The wonderfully ironic thing is...we got engaged on New Year's Eve. This is the day that my divorce was final in 2009. A lot can change in a year!

Merry Christmas

I am having soooooooooooooo much fun! I love CK's family. I truly feel that they are my family already. How lucky I am to have THREE families! :)

I miss my kids. I want to talk to them every day, but they seem to get really worked up and emotional when we talk. I think they don't really think about it until they hear my voice.

Christmas was perfect. It was also CK's birthday. Great, too. :)

I am so happy. CK is absolutely perfect for me and I am so happy. I had a Bishop tell me at the beginning of everything starting with XDH that there would be moments of joy and hours of sorrow. He was right. But, now it is the opposite....moments of sorrow and hours of joy. We are meant to be and I am so happy. :)

Early Christmas Eve

Update:

• My computers are both fixed! Thank-you, P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• I spoke in church on Sunday. I don't mind speaking in church. I am always amazed at how Heavenly Father takes my few hours of preparation and multiplies it, and how when I try to put things together MY way, it doesn't work, but when I do it His...it just flows. I am so grateful.
• I woke up Saturday morning without a voice (Yep, I spoke and sang in church on Sunday without much of a voice!)
• It has gradually become me feeling sick. Yuck!
• I am surprising CK with something when we meet today. I am soooooooooooo excited. I think that is why I woke up and could not go back to sleep.
• It was 81 degrees yesterday. Perfect! I am headed to Idaho today....high=36 degrees. YIKES!

Now, for the early Christmas. My kids are gone. DH picked them up last night and they are probably close to the airport right now. I am so glad that they are going to be with my in-laws. They are all amazing people. I love them all-every one of them. :) It has been a couple of rough weeks as they anticipated separating from me for Christmas. DH really came through this weekend, however. He allowed them to spend extra time with me. This gave them some greater respect for him and they were more ready to go. It makes me soooooooooooooooooooo much happier when they are okay.

Last night, then was a little like Christmas Eve for us, so we treated it like that.

First, we went out to dinner (a family tradition for Christmas Eve) to Logan's Steakhouse. It was so fun. We laughed and laughed. J loved throwing the peanuts on the floor. K and C decided to pretend they were doing a challenge in Amazing Race and try to have all the peanuts in the container gone before our food got there. They almost made it and we did finish the entire can before we left! :)

Next, we came home, read scriptures, and had a very special family prayer-a family prayer to celebrate Christmas and it's true meaning, a family prayer to protect us while we are not together, and a family prayer filled with love and unity.

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Then.....the kids got to choose one present (another family tradition for Christmas Eve) and open it.

They each choose a present that they loved, loved, loved. It was so fun to have them all playing with them. C got a glow-in-the-dark basketball from K. K got a pillow pet from C. J got some guns and other cowboy stuff from Grandma and Grandpa L. They were so excited and had so much fun playing together outside. Yep....first day of winter: 81 degrees. PERFECT!

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Here is J all dressed up like a cowboy (wearing his new stuff and stuff from a cowboy party he went to last week):

And....me.....sick. It has been difficult to get everything done to get ready for Christmas, the kids packed and ready to leave, the house ready, and me ready to travel. So....I haven't. I have been trying to only do essentials and rest otherwise. We had been playing a family game of Dutch Blitz when it hit me that I had to go lay down. The kids' dad then came to get them. There were lots of hugs, tears, and "I love you"s. But, we are okay. I am so glad. I will miss them. They will miss me. This isn't how it was supposed to be, but....we are at peace. :)

So, Merry Christmas to everyone!

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I leave you with a quote from President Hinckley, "He is my God and my King. From everlasting to everlasting, He will reign and rule as King of Kings and Lord of Lords. To His dominion there will be no end. To His glory there will be no night. None other can take His place. None other ever will. Unblemished and without fault of any kind, He is the Lamb of God, to whom I bow and through whom I approach my Father in Heaven."

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I, too, know that Jesus Christ lives. He lives! He chose to come to deliver us from physical and spiritual death! He lives. He knows us. He loves us. He knows how to succor us no matter the pain: physical pain, pain of sin, or pain of the heart. And, this is why we sing with the angels: "Hallelujah! A King is born!"

Still Alive

I am alive. My two computers are not. That is where I have been....computerless. Luckily, very luckily, I have an amazing brother-in-law that not only works on my computers, but has lent me his netbook to borrow for a time. I am so blessed. :)

I am excited for Christmas, although there is still much more to do than can possibly be done. :( I am looking forward to being with CK and A and CK's family. I am dreading being without my kids. They are not wanting to go with their dad for Christmas and it just doesn't seem fair that a mere piece of paper (the divorce decree) determines what happens to them, not their own choices. But, this is the life they have to deal with and I ache for them. I am not a child of divorced parents, but, seeing it through their eyes, it really stinks. :(

Yet, overall, life is good. I have a great house, good friends, an amazing ward, a wonderful calling, outstanding children, a Savior that loves me individually, and a man that thinks the world of me and treats me better than I have ever been treated in my life. Funny story: I went to the hospital to be there for a friend late Saturday night/early Sunday morning. CK lives 700 miles away, yet he didn't sleep well until he knew I was home and safe-about 3 AM. It feels good to be worried about.

Where do I fit in?

So...I have many, many pictures to post from Thanksgiving, but my laptop died. Luckily, I have this dinosaur computer as a back-up, but it is soooooooooooooooooooooooo slow that it isn't much fun to be on the Internet at all. :( Hopefully it will be fixed soon.

I have had a few difficult days in a row. :( (For different reasons)

Today was better. I paid to have J watched so I could go do some much-needed Christmas shopping.

But, now, I am wondering just where do I fit in. It will be my first Christmas without my kids. I am heartbroken over that. It just isn't right. My in-laws will all be together, except me. I love them. They love me. This isn't fair. My kids want to be with me, but they don't get to choose where they go on Christmas. That isn't fair either. Thank goodness they will be with their cousins.

I am so lucky to get to be with CK and his family on Christmas, but I don't really fit in there either. I am excited to get to know them, but, so far, we are not engaged or married, so I don't quite fit in there yet either.

This isn't how it is supposed to be. It hurts. A lot.

Luckily, as I have struggled over the last few days, I have been reassured that I really do not need to do this all alone. Soon, I will have a partner and helpmate. I need him. He balances me. He takes care of me. He is there for me. Truly, I should not be complaining.

Thankful

I went grocery shopping early (6 am!) yesterday morning for the holiday week. I am glad that K went with me-we ended up needing two carts. When I got home and we unloaded all the groceries, this is what I saw:

I looked around and felt immense gratitude that I am able to afford to buy food for my children, that we never have a night where we go hungry. I hope to be able to always have the desire and ability to share with those that struggle, at this time of year and always.

K and E

E has been K's best friend since Kindergarten. E has moved a few times (including living in Mexico for a year and a half!). K has had (and still has) many great and wonderful best friends, but there is still something extra, extra special about E. With our schedule with K going to her dad's and E living half an hour away, we don't get to get them together that often. When we do, though, it is like they'd never been apart. That is the extra special friendship that they share.

I am so grateful to A (E's mom) for putting forth the effort to get them together. We had planned to meet up at the museum with all the kids, but my back was really sore and I knew that wasn't a good idea for me. So A took K with her kids and took them ice skating. They had a blast and I know the memories will last forever.

Piano Recital

Today was K's and C's first ever piano recital. They have been taking lessons since August. They are both naturals at the piano and it is fun to see them progress. They performed amazingly well. It was definitely a proud mama moment. I love their piano teacher. One thing that is really neat is that we got to perform the recital at a nursing home. I loved how my children are learning to share their talents. What a great lesson.

K played Horse and Sleigh and Greensleeves. She performed them beautifully!

C played Russian Sailor Dance, Clock Shop, and Legend of the Buffalo. He was amazing as well.

I have an amazing sister and brother-in-law. I didn't even think about inviting them to the recital (DUH!). I casually mentioned it last night and down they came....4 kids in tow. All the kids were super quiet and sat through the whole recital without a peep. I cannot express just how grateful I am for their support of me and of my kids. I am so grateful that they live so close and that they are so unselfish and always willing to share their time and energy.

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We went out to brunch after the recital (which they snuck off and paid for!!!! yikes and thank-you!). It was yummy, but crazy -in a fun way- with 3 adults and 7 kids. Then we came back to my house for Rock Band and hanging out. It was so fun. The kids found some masks that we had used in preschool. They proceeded to play RockBand with them on. It was cute and fun and a perfect way to start our Thanksgiving break!

Heartache

I am missing someone. I do miss my 33-year-old man I am going to marry, but it isn't him. It is A. She is 6 1/2 and a ball of energy. I miss her. I love her. I wish there was a way to see her every weekend. My heart is breaking a little tonight. :(

St. Louis

This weekend, I got to fly to St. Louis and spend time with CK and his daughter, A. It was a wonderful time. I was only there about 40 hours total-so not even two days. But, it was so great to connect with A and to spend much needed time with CK.

First thing Saturday, we went swimming. It was fun. A obviously loves it.
After getting cleaned up and ready to go, we went out to a yummy lunch and then visited the Gateway Arch. Very cool.

Here are A and I at the top. It was a crazy little car you had to ride to get up there. It was very cool, though.

Some of the things we could see from the top:

This is the tiny little hallway to get to and from the top. It was very crowded and cramped. A lot of people in a small space.

We then drove to the outside of the St. Louis temple. The gates were closed because the temple was closed for cleaning, but we drove around the outside. One thing CK and I plan to do together is attend a session in all the temples in the United States. Because there is more every year, this will be quite the challenge, but I think we will get to all of them!

Crazy girl!

Time for the weekend to come to an end. We had Family Home Evening, lunch, and then went to church and straight to the airport. I miss you, CK and A!!!

The Changing of the Tide

So....I am headed to visit CK tonight. I am excited.

It has been an odd week for me. I have struggled with my children. I have followed a prompting and it is taking some time. I have had an on-going headache. I have felt a little disconnected from my life. Today is better.

But, I just had an experience I have to document-at least for myself. I was reading a few paragraphs in a book I own. It talked about a temple sealing from the view of the sealer. My eyes watered. And then I realized what had happened. My eyes FIRST watered as I anticipate the joy of being sealed to CK. THEN, my eyes watered as I thought with sorrow on the temple sealing that I had with XDH. It was supposed to be for Eternity. It is not. But, I have another chance with a man that loves me even more.

Not so long ago, the sorrow would've come first before the future joy. The tide has changed. I am so glad.

As part of my prompting, I have been needing to revisit how I felt at the beginning of all that happened with XDH and me. I am so grateful for the loving hands of a Father in Heaven who has protected me and taken care of me through every day, every heartache, and every difficulty. I am sooooooooooooo blessed.