Saturday, December 12, 2009

Yuck...it has happened.

It has happened....I, today, am the bitter and angry woman I have fought and fought and worked and worked for the last year and a half NOT to be. There is no use fighting it now. Yuck.

DH has been meaner to me in this last week than he has been in months (probably since July). I understand he doesn't want to be married to me....I am holding up my end and doing my part for the divorce, even though it is not what I want. Why does he have to be mean, malicious, and hurtful?????? Does he think it will be easier for me to be divorced if I hate my ex-husband?

All I know is I cannot do this any more. I feel so alone. It is Christmas and my friends need to be with their own families, not with a bitter, angry, soon-t0-be divorcee. I will never understand why my DH would want to do this. Never. I just feel so rejected, isolated, and completely alone.

The bitterness is here. I give in, surrender, and wave the white flag. Can't fight it any more.

9 comments:

txmommy said...

oh sweet friend, I am so sorry. I wish I was there. I wish you were here. I wish you didn't have to do this.

I know you can though, and you are not alone. Things will get better and you will be happy.

nikko said...

Even though I have never ever been there, it seems like being bitter and angry are normal reactions to the situation. Don't feel bad for feeling that way.

Just don't let it consume your life...

Hugs!!!

Jay said...

Sorry things aren't happy. I wish I could make it all better, but I don't have a band-aid for the heart. Chin up, buckeroo; life has lots of good for you.

Jen said...

I have been thinking about you all day! You know that all you need to do is say/text the word and I will be over to whisk you away. Seriously!

Colleen said...

Been there. It got ugly. It got physical. I had to get a restraining order, and I sat back and thought, when did my life get so Jerry Springer? It is frustrating to be someone who always prides herself in being in control, and to lose control of the direction your life is going because of someone else's choices. It is natural to be angry and bitter, but don't let it consume you because then you start looking for ways to make that pain and anger go away and it is really tempting to find the easiest thing. The easiest thing makes things worse. I know you already do, but lose yourself in service, in the scriptures. Keep yourself busy, physically busy. Take up kickboxing. The physical release of anger really helped me. Plus, I got into great shape and felt empowered, AND felt safe(r) in my apartment all alone. Don't think. It will get better, I promise!! Thinking of you all the time! Sending prayers your way!!

Kathy said...
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Holly said...

It would seem you are just making your way through the stages of grief. Anger is one of them. For what its worth I think you've made you're way so far with dignity and grace. Maybe this will be the last stage before acceptance and happiness...praying for you that it is.

Li said...

I'm kind of glad that you are finally angry! I think it can only get better from here. You are our family so we want you here for Christmas. The cousins and all of us need to be together. And remember you are never alone!

ACK said...
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