Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Dead Computer

I have a post waiting for pictures to publish about K's birthday. But, for now, my computer is dead, that is D-E-A-D. You never know how much you use it until it is gone. Yuck. Pray for its speedy recovery.

And....it is one of those couple of weeks where everything piles on at once (not even thinking about that darn computer!). In 5 days, we have the 4th of July (my FAVORITE holiday), but still hectic). In 6 days, I teach Relief Society....without a computer it is difficult to finish that lesson!). In 8 days, company starts arriving for C's baptism. In 10 days, C turns 8. In 11 days, C gets baptised. In 12 days, we leave for our family trip to see family. So, I am simultaneously getting ready for a holiday, company, a birthday, a baptism, and a road trip. And, I am trying to do all this getting ready stuff alone. It will be okay, it is just overwhelming to think about it!

So, until further notice....ta ta. Goodbye. Adios.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Out with the Old

Today is K's 10th birthday....Next post will be about that. What a great girl! How lucky I am to be her Mama.

But, as I look at changing my profile to put "10-year-old" in there, I realize that it is time to change the whole thing. What was reality a couple of years ago no longer is. I don't want to forget what it said or how I felt or how my life was. So, a personal remembrance post just for me: the old profile:

Just a little about me

I have a good life
I am an LDS SAHM of three kids (9-year-old girl, 7-year-old boy, and 2-year-old boy). I love life...but sometimes let the little things get me down. I try to do too much with the small amount of time that I have been given. I am so grateful for the multitude of blessings that are mine. Even with the frustrations of living, I feel I have the life of my dreams. I also co-own a chiropractic clinic with my husband. It is a lot of work to be self-employed, but it is fun to work together on it!
And my old favoritest picture ever. It is time to take it down.

Once again, it is so hard to say goodbye. Goodbye to the life of my dreams. Hello to the unknown. Goodbye to a marriage supposed to last for Eternity. Hello to the unknown. Goodbye to the clinic I helped build from scratch. Hello to the unknown. Looks like "unknown" and I will become good friends. Good thing what is unknown to me is not unknown to God. Good thing I am in good hands...His hands. Good thing that I can face the unknown with sure faith that I will be okay. For that I am truly blessed.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Talking to Heavenly Father

I just have to post about LD so I don't forget. It is another reminder to become as little children.

As is well known, these past months have been difficult for me. Many times I have found myself praying aloud in the car while going from place to place. Whenever LD asks what I am doing, I always reply, "Talking to Heavenly Father." Even when he comes in a room and finds me on my knees, I tell him I will be with him when I am done "talking to Heavenly Father."

Well, twice in the last few weeks, LD has shown the great faith of a two-year-old. First, we were grocery shopping and they were testing the alarm system. Every time it would go off, LD would bow his head on the cart. When the testing would finish, he would look up and say, "I told Heavenly Father I was scared. He said it would be okay."

Then, this week I really wanted to find my camera. I had it that morning when I posted on my blog, but it was no where to be found that evening. Frustrated, we left without it. While we were driving LD pipes up from the back seat, "Shhhh...Mom. I am talking to Heavenly Father about your camera. Now we will find it 'cause I told him we needed it."

Oh, the faith of a child. And, yes, LD, I love talking to Heavenly Father, too.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

So, this is goodbye.

Our hearts are breaking this morning, especially C's. Our dear friends (txmommy's family) left our house to begin their move across the country. We are so lucky to have known them. We are so lucky to have been so close to them. We are so lucky that our friendships can continue and continue.

L is one of my dearest friends. She is so wise and compassionate. She is so laid-back and calm. She is such a good example of how a mother, friend, wife, and everything a woman should be. I love her so much. I want to be like her when I "grow up."

First, yesterday we had to say goodbye to the pool. We have spent summer after summer enjoying the good company, the cool water, and the laughter of summer here. We have had birthday parties here. We have learned how to swim here. We have talked about the good and the bad. We have shared pregnancies. We have shared heartaches. We have shared joys. We have made so many memories. Thanks.

This has been such a common sight over the last few years that I had to take a picture of it: two brown heads under water. L and I would just look for two heads to keep popping up for air, it was too hard to tell them apart.

After the pool, we were honored to have them stay at our home for their last night in Texas. We had such a fun time. It works out so well, since TXMommy is one of my best friends, E is C's very best friend, and H and K are close friends as well. We loved having them for dinner, nighttime routines, and breakfast. We love them so much. One memory I will cherish forever is singing "Love is Spoken Here" together before family prayer. Our two boys took the "boys' part" so well. I saw future priesthood holders, future missionaries, and future fathers as I listened to them sing their testimonies. What great examples our friends are. Their dad has been here a few times to use his priesthood and bless our family with priesthood blessings. What a great example for my little C.
This was such a common sight: Battlefront. This was a beloved "last time" this morning. So many hours. So many sleepovers. This was the sight every time. It came included with lots of commentary. Videogames are definitely an interactive sport for these two!
This morning was E's 7th birthday. For 15 days our little "twins" are the same age. Here they are in their '7' shirts. While it was so hard to say goodbye, it was interesting how the boys did: by lifting each other up in huge bear hugs. C then came in and wailed and wailed, begging E to turn around and come back. Breaks a Mama's heart. He has had enough losses and heartbreak. But, he is strong. He will be okay.

I guess it is out to Walmart to buy a webcam so we can Skype with them! We miss you, U Family.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Happy Birthday, C!

First...there are so many posts swimming around in my head instead of here in blog-land. Sorry. We have been very busy and life still isn't "normal."

I do, however, want to write about C's birthday party (last Friday). Yes, it is K's birthday that is in 6 days. Yes, C's birthday isn't until mid-July. But, C's best friend is moving this week. So the party had to happen early. Most years I have given the kids the option of having 1-2 friends and going out and doing something or having a huge party in the house with all their friends. This is the first time that C has opted to go out. What a blessing for me, actually, as it was so much less work and I think it was probably the best $75 I have ever spent (and probably less than I would've spent on a party at home!).

He took two of his best friends, E and R, and we went to a local mini-golf place. They had a pass that you could buy to do unlimited golf, rides (including bumper boats), go-carts. It included tokens for the game room and a hot dog for lunch. K and J went to friends' houses and it was just me and the boys. What a blast they had! R is much taller than E and C (who actually really look a lot like twins, at least brothers). This was the only bad thing. He could ride rides they couldn't and they could ride rides he couldn't. It turned out okay and the bumper boats was the hit of the day. Thank-goodness for the unlimited pass. It costs $5 per person per ride. The three of them went on it at least 5-6 times. That, alone, would have been $75.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Welcome, Welcome Sabbath Morning

It is the Sabbath! Hurray. This is my favorite day and almost always the day I "do okay."

But, I won't lie, every time I think I must finally be at rock bottom, it gets harder. It seems to have been a downward spiral the last few weeks....Definitely time for an up, right?
I think that as my new reality sets in, it is getting harder and harder to accept it. I remember the DH that I have loved so much for so many years and his words and actions now are so incongruous with that man that I have a difficult time wrapping my head around it. I miss him so terribly. I understand that he is never coming back, but I still miss him like crazy. I guess I am also so hurt that these would be his choices, that he would so completely and utterly abandon me when he is supposed to be my protector. It is also so hard to have the constant reminders of him: the couches we chose, the house we built, the clinic that we established together....every where I turn there is something we worked on together, played on together, went to together, etc..But, it is the Sabbath. Before I even get up there is a special feeling to this day. I am so blessed to have the scriptures, Ensigns, Patriarchal Blessing, music, General Conferences, and so forth to lift me up. They do daily, but seem to be especially powerful when it is the Sabbath. I can't wait for my kids to come home. I can't wait to go to church. It is going to be an "up" day! :)