It is the Sabbath! Hurray. This is my favorite day and almost always the day I "do okay."
But, I won't lie, every time I think I must finally be at rock bottom, it gets harder. It seems to have been a downward spiral the last few weeks....Definitely time for an up, right?
I think that as my new reality sets in, it is getting harder and harder to accept it. I remember the DH that I have loved so much for so many years and his words and actions now are so incongruous with that man that I have a difficult time wrapping my head around it. I miss him so terribly. I understand that he is never coming back, but I still miss him like crazy. I guess I am also so hurt that these would be his choices, that he would so completely and utterly abandon me when he is supposed to be my protector. It is also so hard to have the constant reminders of him: the couches we chose, the house we built, the clinic that we established together....every where I turn there is something we worked on together, played on together, went to together, etc..But, it is the Sabbath. Before I even get up there is a special feeling to this day. I am so blessed to have the scriptures, Ensigns, Patriarchal Blessing, music, General Conferences, and so forth to lift me up. They do daily, but seem to be especially powerful when it is the Sabbath. I can't wait for my kids to come home. I can't wait to go to church. It is going to be an "up" day! :)
17 hours ago