This Was Not In My Plans

Famous last words.

Actually, I have said those words over and over throughout the last three weeks. I just have to say that I feel so blessed. Within days of the divorce being final, a friend introduced me to "the perfect guy for me" in Georgia. Whatever. I would talk to him a little, I guess.

Little did I know what was coming. I planned to date a lot for at least 2-3 years. Could I ever really trust a man again? Would anyone that fits my high bar and share my same goals really be single? Not a chance. I was destined to be single forever, at least for a long time.

Again, famous last words. I do not know what the future holds for us, but I do know that for now I do not want to let this guy go. Honestly, if I had faxed up to Heavenly Father a list of qualities I wanted in a man, He doubled it when he sent M to me. I just feel so blessed and so taken care of by a loving Heavenly Father. No matter what else happens, I now know that good guys do still exist, that my standards aren't too high, and that Heavenly Father knows me. The rest of the future is all on faith.

It is a little difficult for me to let go of my "plans." It is difficult to think about how "fast" we have connected or the fact that we have a many-state distance barrier and kids in both places, but the future will tell how it all works out. What is crazy is that while we talk 2-4 hours a day on the phone, we haven't even met in person. 16 days for that! :) I can't wait.

I am so blessed and lucky and it was time to share....everyone has been with me for those tears full of heartache. Life is never perfect, but I am happy now by myself and also including M in a way that I never thought possible. :)

PS...if you are not a Facebooker, you don't know this yet: I really want that phrase on my tombstone when I die ('This was not in my plans')...it is so me (the planner) and it also just cracks me up to think of people walking by my grave and reading, "This was not in my plans." I am serious...if you are around when I die that is what I want on my tombstone! :)

I am alive.

To all my dear blogger friends that worry about me when my blog is silent: I am just fine. Silence on my blog did used to mean that life was a little too difficult to handle. Now it means that I am just distracted and busy. I am alive. I am happy. I still feel that same peace that I have felt ever since the divorce was final, only now it is compounded with a feeling of deep gratitude that the Lord knows who I am and what I need/deserve in life.

I do need to post pictures....I just have been too busy for that. This week, however, I am lucky enough to have my two nieces (5 & 2) and my nephew (almost 4) here with us. I always wanted to have a minimum of six kids. This week will be fun and an adventure and I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited about it! :) We have had a good day and I expect the rest of the week to follow.

Note to Self

I actually left myself this message when I was driving in the car. It is so true and so wonderful. Those that aren't near me to see this change, I am truly a different person. A burden, years in the making, has been lifted and I am full of light and joy and happiness. It is almost uncontainable! For my friends that read both my facebook and my blog, it is on both. But it was so wonderful that I had to share!

I am so happy! :) I have never been more happy. I have never been more confident. I have never been more sure of who I am. I have never been more sure of what I want in life.

As one of the unexpected blessings of this huge trial is that I KNOW that the Lord will watch over me and take care of me, no matter what happens, no matter what! I am truly in His hands and that is a great place to be. With Him near, there are no unknowns that aren't conquerable, there is nothing ahead that cannot be faced with faith.

I have never been happier. I am surprised, but bring on the sun, baby! :)

Holland

Almost a year ago, I published this post and poem. I have arrived. I am in Holland and my heart is about to burst with joy and peace. Holland was not my goal, Italy was. But, here I am and, you know what? Holland is beautiful.

I have so much gratitude for all the blessings and miracles in my life. I am especially grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ. I guess there is nothing like the mountain of a trial to bring one to where they need to be. I have changed and grown so much in the last two years. Many times, I have told Heavenly Father that I just can't do this, but, like always, He knows better than me. With His help, I did do it. And, I am so happy.

I love the gospel with all my heart. I love the personal revelations that we receive if we are willing to listen. I have had some troubling questions on my mind lately. For one of them, I stayed for hours in the temple yesterday praying, pondering, and struggling to receive an answer. And it came. I had another question today.....the answer was right there in the scriptures we read in Relief Society. Right there. Hit me like a ton of bricks. And, as I look back on this blog, in my journal, at the notes in my scriptures, I can see even more clearly now the very definite guidance of the Lord through everything. He really has been there through it all. The reward of my diligence and faithfulness is truly manifest in the joy and peace I feel now.

So, to all of you that have cried tears of sorrow for my deep pain, cry with me now tears of joy for the goodness of the Lord and the peace that I am surrounded with now! :)

More than okay.

Since my blog has been my never-failing friend through everything, I have to document here and now that I am okay. I feel the Lord's love and compassion more than ever. I can see a glimpse of the future and it is so good and so beautiful. Elder Worthlin taught the Law of Compensation, including that every tear of sorrow now will be returned 100-fold with tears of joy. I feel it. I once had a blessing in which I was promised, "Happiness is right around the corner." I also have felt many times while in the temple that I "had to let go to be happy." I am happy. The promises are coming true and, once again, I am one of the lucky ones!

In other news, school was canceled today. We've made cookies, completed some projects, and currently have friends over. Love it. Wouldn't choose any other life than being a Mama to my kids. Once again, I am one of the lucky ones! :)

I joined the club.

Sometimes I am a little slow. Over a year ago, I joined Facebook. Then, with the craziness of this year, I chose not to participate for an extended period of time. I am back on Facebook now and, like many others, I feel it taking away some of my blogging time.

Honestly, though, Facebook or not, I feels so bogged down and busy lately. This last week has been Taxi Mom at its finest and I am still recovering from our health issue and then the vacation.

I have some wonderful pictures to show of Christmas....and I will soon, promise! :)