Change

I have a couple posts in drafts...waiting for me to finish.

Tonight, though, I feel the struggle of change.

Change is constant. Good changes. Bad changes. Expected changes. Unexpected changes. Changes that hurt. Changes that bring joy. Always changes.

Tonight is Monday so my kids are with their dad. I have been using this time to clean out some files out of my filing cabinet. So much sorrow fills my heart as I find old family pictures, XDH's valedictorian address from chiropractic school, budgets from 1999-2009, all the financial info that I had to gather for us to be approved for our business loan for the clinic, etc.. All of it evidence of our lives together-and the plans we had for the future-together.

Oh, how my heart aches! This is so not how it was supposed to be.

BUT, I am so filled with love for and from CK. I cannot wait to be his wife. The tide is changing. As I clean out these file folders, I am really fulfilling the old adage, "Out with the old, in with the new." I am ready for the future. I am so excited and ready for this new stage in my life that has already begun and will continue as we wed this summer. A loving God has known for the last three years how to succor me through all my heartache. He has provided me with a future husband that is better for me than I could have ever dreamed. This last weekend, he really proved to me (again!) how perfect he is for me. I am so lucky.

I guess this wasn't how it was supposed to be, but it is now how it is supposed to be. :) Still hurts, but soon those wounds will be only an old scar, no longer with a scab that can be pulled off once in a while. I am thankful for the healing power of my Savior, Jesus Christ.