Friday, May 14, 2010

Am I supposed to be okay?

Am I supposed to be okay? Is that what is supposed to happen?

I am not.

After being abandoned by two men that I loved in the last couple of years (one I loved for years and years and the other, after much trepidation, I allowed myself to trust and fall in love with quickly), I feel so alone.

But...I guess I am supposed to be okay. I guess enough time has passed from both XDH and M that I am supposed to be okay. Friends used to call and check up on me, but, with the passage of time, I even feel estranged from them and completely alone.

Part of it might be expectations. I expected and hoped and dreamed that after the divorce was final that I would have "friends" to go and date Friday nights when I don't have kids. I definitely did not expect to fall in love, neither did I expect that I would remarry quickly and perhaps not at all. I didn't even expect to have a boyfriend. But, I did expect to date. Nope. No one wants me.

Many have told me that my standards are too high, that I will NEVER find what I am looking for with such a high bar. But, I can't lower them. I just can't. It wouldn't be true to me. So, I guess they are right. I will never find anyone.

What is it that I don't have? I feel like I have so much to offer. Maybe not. Maybe it is just me. It if frustrating to finally open your eyes and realize what others (like XDH and M) have already figured out: I just don't have what it takes.

I am okay...just so everyone knows. Really and truly, I am okay. I even feel better venting. :) Please don't post messages to try and "console" me or refute what I have said. This was not a "pity-party-please-cheer-me-up" post. I just needed to vent. -sigh- Much better! :) No worries, okay?

10 comments:

Li said...

Vent all you want! It's good therapy just to say it!

Andrea said...

Sorry, but I'm going to refute you :)
You do have what it takes. You are being true to yourself and you are keeping your standards high. And being a great mom for your kids. And that is what matters.
From what I hear from my single friends, there's not much dating that goes on, so I think you're totally normal. And nothing wrong in the least.

Ryan said...

I agree, sometimes I enjoy wallowing, even if I know it is far fetched and my distorted view of the situation.

Ryan said...

sorry, that was me, the other Ruth signed into the wrong account.

txmommy said...

well, all I know is you are awesome! and you should never lower your standards. And being alone is better than being with a sub par guy, and Heavenly Father knows you loves you and has someone for you so just trust in His time table.

Love you.

nikko said...

I agree with L.

You're doing awesome. Just give it some time...

Anonymous said...

"Suck it up and get off your pity pot, Nancy!" - Frank Barone.

I have a good life said...

Thanks, Chadaford! You made me smile, like always! :)

Angela said...

Thinking of you

Anonymous said...

Is it possible to lower a standard? Many unwise men may be lower than the standard but the standard stays the same. Stand firm in your convictions my new friend. You will never stand alone as the Savior set the example and he will always stand with you or even carry you when needed.

Troy Weiler