Am I supposed to be okay? Is that what is supposed to happen?
I am not.
After being abandoned by two men that I loved in the last couple of years (one I loved for years and years and the other, after much trepidation, I allowed myself to trust and fall in love with quickly), I feel so alone.
But...I guess I am supposed to be okay. I guess enough time has passed from both XDH and M that I am supposed to be okay. Friends used to call and check up on me, but, with the passage of time, I even feel estranged from them and completely alone.
Part of it might be expectations. I expected and hoped and dreamed that after the divorce was final that I would have "friends" to go and date Friday nights when I don't have kids. I definitely did not expect to fall in love, neither did I expect that I would remarry quickly and perhaps not at all. I didn't even expect to have a boyfriend. But, I did expect to date. Nope. No one wants me.
Many have told me that my standards are too high, that I will NEVER find what I am looking for with such a high bar. But, I can't lower them. I just can't. It wouldn't be true to me. So, I guess they are right. I will never find anyone.
What is it that I don't have? I feel like I have so much to offer. Maybe not. Maybe it is just me. It if frustrating to finally open your eyes and realize what others (like XDH and M) have already figured out: I just don't have what it takes.
I am okay...just so everyone knows. Really and truly, I am okay. I even feel better venting. :) Please don't post messages to try and "console" me or refute what I have said. This was not a "pity-party-please-cheer-me-up" post. I just needed to vent. -sigh- Much better! :) No worries, okay?
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