Saturday, October 31, 2009

Aren't you jealous?

Okay, okay, okay....I know none of you would ever want to be in my situation. You all know I wouldn't even be here if it was my choice.

I am sitting here re-listening/re-watching General Conference while sewing my children's costumes (they changed their minds on THURSDAY about what they wanted to be). And, guess what??? No one is climbing up me. No one is needing me. No one is bothering me.

On breaks from the sewing, I am reorganizing and cleaning out K's room. I don't know how it can get so disorganized so fast, but she manages it. And, guess what??? No one is telling me I can't throw such-and-such away. No one is complaining of being hungry. No one is fighting with each other. I have my music and I am cleaning away.

My morning was busy and my afternoon all booked up, but where I was going to be got canceled. So, with two extra free hours I am going to get my eyebrows waxed and shop for some stuff to finish organizing K's room. And, guess what again??? No one is complaining about going to the store. No one is taking 20 minutes to put on a pair of shoes. No one is protesting going down for a nap.

There are moments that all this silence is refreshing and so, aren't you just a teeny weeny bit jealous???

Hope it is a great Halloween!!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Happy Birthday, DH!

Happy Birthday to DH! This would've been our 15th one celebrated together. I hope he had a good day. I had the kids call and wish him a happy birthday at the crack of dawn. This afternoon we made him a cake (which the kids decorated themselves!) and wrapped his presents. We also decorated the yard with balloons so that when he came to pick them up, he would feel loved. They are out to eat with him right now. I hope they are having a great time.

I miss him. Today has been tough. Amongst all the other presents we gave him (including Jazz tickets), I gave him what he told me he wanted most for his birthday: I signed our divorce decree. Happy Birthday, my dear DH. Still love you.

Monday, October 26, 2009

C's School Play-October 15, 2009

Okay, okay, okay, I know this is over a week late...I have a lot of catch up posts to do. I have been swamping myself with my project and other things just don't get done. And, just because I know there are those out there that are wondering....I am doing really well. I have been doing well clear since last Monday. I am blessed right now with such great peace. Last night, right before I fell asleep, I had a huge smile on my face and remember thinking, "I am so happy. I am truly happy." With all I have been through, it is nice to feel that pure happiness. Thank you for your prayers.

C's school musical, "Mighty Minds," was such a fun play. It was the entire 3rd grade. The music was fun and catchy. C had a pretty big and complicated line. The sad thing was that he was supposed to do his line in the middle of a song. Due to technical difficulties, however, the music went out, and his line was skipped. The disappointment on his face was classic. Luckily, his music teacher is incredible and she had the three kids with skipped lines come say theirs before the musical went on.

My sister and her hubby are so amazing to me. They were definitely supposed to move here to be close to me during this time. His play was during the time when I was really struggling and seeing DH there seemed like an overwhelming thought. I called S and P and they dropped everything and came to C's support C and to support me. Thank-you! Here are the two 3-year-old cousins at McDonald's after. Too cute.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Ice Skating! Happy Birthday, K!

K's birthday was in June. It was a very hectic time for us. She has three best friends and they were all out of town at different times in the summer. We could never even get two of them home at the same time! What she really wanted to do was go ice skating with her best friends. With her being at her dad's house most weekends, now that school was in, her friends were back but the available times to skate were gone.

Finally, we had a Monday off from school (Columbus Day) and she was at my house, not DH's. It was perfect. One of her friends is in a different district and they did have school. We decided, though, it is now or never....3 1/2 months AFTER your birthday is late enough!

A great friend took the two boys and the girls and I headed across town (almost an hour) to a beautiful mall with a beautiful rink. They had a blast. It was so fun!

A few very tired and sore legs and happy smiles later! :)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Reason # 387 NOT to own a dog

This morning, I awakened to a very lovely smell and sight. Not to be too details...just a lot of dog poop and vomit filled my entire kitchen. Yuck. I even found more in the garage this morning. Double Yuck. Maybe her love of drinking dirty rain water has finally taken its toll! I don't know.

Well, as I'm compulsively cleaning the mess....four or five times....and Lysoling and Clorox Wiping over and over, LD walks in and says very indignantly, "God gave us a kitchen and Jazz pooped all over it!" It was a moment I had to document so I took a cleaning break to do it.

By the way, we ate breakfast in the living room this morning. Kids thought that was great! :)

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Another Sad One

Okay...another depressing post. Stop reading NOW if you don't want to hear it.

Okay...still reading....So, will there ever be a point I stop crying? What in the world could DH want that I didn't give him? How could he do this to his children? What is the point? What could be better than the love of your family and the security of a home together? I don't understand. It seems pointless to go on with life when the one that is supposed to protect you betrays you and the one you love most in the whole world decided he doesn't love you and doesn't want you. What could I have given him more?

Sorry. It just feels better to vent.

Old and New

Wow! It has been a very crazy/fun week and I don't even know where to begin with posting! Ice skating on Monday? C's play on Thursday? Pumpkin Patch on Friday? I plan to post pictures of all of it.

Today, however, I am posting about my comforter set. My old one I have had for only three years, I think. But, this means it was DH's and I's set. I decided I was ready to change the bedroom a little and purchased this new set. I am very pleased with it. I am not a curtain person in general. I like the simple of lines of the big slat blinds. But, I think I am even going to add curtains to my room as well.

Here are the before and after. Notice the "I love you" stuffed animal in the before. DH gave that to me a few years ago for Valentine's Day. It was also time for that to go. Hope someone at Goodwill can use a cute gorilla! :)

Actually, the pictures don't do either one justice. They both looked better in person...but you get the idea, I guess.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Hard Times and a BIG project!

Life has been really hard. Those of you who know me know I keep a pretty cheerful attitude and I've even with a lot of help from the Lord fought off the anger and bitterness many times. Yet, for the last week or so, the anger seems here to stay. It will go away I know this. In the mean time, in my attempt to hurry along the process, I have printed dozens and dozens of pages from past General Conferences with topics of "Anger," "Forgiveness," "Divorce" and so forth. I have been praying, fasting, and reading my scriptures....yet the anger remains. The betrayal is very real and the hurt I feel for the children is even more real. My own hurt I can go around, but the change in lifestyle and the pain of my children is harder to deal with than I ever imagined. I know it will be okay. I know there are many more days of sunshine and happiness ahead. Just pray for me for now.

So, last night, I came up with a vision for a huge project. It will be for Christmas so I can't describe it, but it is HUGE and will take hours and hours and hours a day, but I am actually excited about it. And, these days, when it seems like a better plan to just sleep all day (I haven't yet) and turn off the world, having a project to dive into is probably just what the doctor ordered. I can't wait to tell y'all my plan and (fingers crossed) be able to show you the final products!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Darn Cycles and My Own Challenge

First....why do I have to go through the cycles? I am so down and depressed today. I wonder why he would ever leave me. What did I do wrong? Why would he not want to be in this home we created together with the kids we created together? Why? Why? Why? What more is there out in the big bad world that he would want? I just miss him so much. I am happy to report, however, that while these icky cycles used to happen every few days, this time it was more than a month between my last "down" and this one that kind of started a few days ago.

Second, I have given myself a challenge and I already want to break it. Maybe if I post about it I will hold fast. I usually grocery shop once a week. I did late last week. After I got home, I decided to not shop again for nearly three weeks. I did not shop for three weeks, I had only shopped for one. But, in a small way, it is to see just how prepared I am. Now, I am kicking myself for not buying more fresh fruits and veggies and more dairy products. I only bought enough to last the week, not three! I guess it will be more of a fair experiment this way. If we run out of milk, I guess we'll try that powdered stuff. If we run out of eggs... powdered stuff again. If we run out of bread, guess I'll be baking some. We'll just see how it goes. So....17 more days until I can shop again. Wish us luck!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Random Firsts

This post is quite random. I have had a great couple of days with some "firsts" in my life.

I started my first attempt at sewing anything almost two years ago. Then I got called into the Relief Society Presidency and then a month after that my life turned upside down. I had barely begun this butterfly quilt when all this happened. Now, almost two years later, I pulled it out again, took it to a good friend's house that is an amazing quilter, and then came home home and finished piecing the wings. I can't wait to keep going on it! Here are the wings:

Another first: I bought myself an early Christmas present: a Kitchenaid mixer. I have always wanted one and lately I have felt that I need to be frequently making bread for my family. A good deal came up and so I went for it. Here it is in all its beautifulness. It just doesn't fit on my counter under the is too tall! I haven't used it yet. Maybe tomorrow.

Finally, we have lived in our home for 6.5 years and NEVER burned a fire in our fireplace. Mostly it was so new and white and perfect and we didn't want to soot it up. Well, it looks like I will be here for a while. And, since I have the kids this weekend, the plan was to go camping. But, the rains fell and the temperature soon followed. So, I took the plunge and we had a fire tonight.Look can see the marshmallow sticks!
Life is good. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. I am one of the lucky ones! :)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Questions for all my divorced friends....

Do you ever get over it? Do you ever heal? Do you still miss him/her so much sometimes it feels like you will explode?

Really...this post sounds more pathetic than I really have felt. Actually, I am doing REALLY well. I have been better the last 3-4 weeks than I have been in probably the last year. But, tonight, I miss him so much I feel like I could just die with heartache.

I know it will just continue to get better...but, tonight, just for tonight, I need some reassurance.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Words of the Prophets

Those of you who have followed my blog for any amount of time know just how much I love General Conference. I love hearing the words of a NOW on the earth today. As long as I can remember I have looked forward with eager anticipation to General Conference. It is not a holiday for me, it is a feast...a spiritual feast. It is a time for me to worship my Lord and Savior and learn how I and my family can be better over the next six months. It is truly a time I treasure. With each conference, I come away uplifted, more sure of who I am, and eager to be a better person. This one was no exception.

A cool experience with this one was that I came to conference praying for specific guidance and help on 3-4 topics. EVERY question I had, every desire of my heart to find an answer...all answered in the first session. How wonderful to know I have a Father in the Heavens that knows me and loves me and is willing to help and guide me.
Here are just a few of the things that really touched me:
  • Elder Richard G. Scott: Spirituality yields two fruits: Inspiration to know what to do and the Power to do it! And The Lord will not force you to learn. You have to exercise agency to authorize the spirit to teach you.
  • Elder David A. Bednar: Be "more diligent and concerned at home." These are the three ways he suggested: 1)Express love and show it, 2) Bear testimony and live it, and 3) Be consistent! Consistency in small things leads to a great work.
  • President Dieter F. Uchtdorf: Love is the defining characteristic of a disciple of Jesus Christ. God does not need us to love Him, but oh how wee need to love God.
  • Tad R. Callister: Sometimes we trade spiritual birthright for a mess of pottage.
  • Elder Neil L. Anderson: Repentance always means that there is greater happiness ahead.
  • President Henry B. Eyring: Any believing Latter-Day Saint is an matter what the circumstances are now. And, You have had evidences that you are moving along the road to become like Jesus.
  • Sister Ann M. Dibb: "They had the equipment. They just chose not to wear it."
  • President Thomas S. Monson: Lose ourselves in service to others or there is little purpose to our lives. And, Don't immerse self in the thick of thin things.
  • Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: Book of Mormon is safety for the soul.
  • Elder Quentin L. Cook: In all stewardship efforts, follow Jesus Christ. Review as a family the stewardships for which we are accountable to God.
  • Elder D. Todd Christofferson: Our aim is to have children truly converted to Christ while they are with us. Strength will come from WHO they are (disciples of Christ) not what the KNOW.

What an outpouring of the Spirit. How blessed we are!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Happy Birthday, LD!

LD turned 3 on Tuesday. THREE years old....when I started blogging, he was three months. What a joy he is to me and to our whole family. I do not think it was coincidence that he came to our family when he did. We have needed his loving disposition and his cheerful countenance so much this last year.

For his birthday, we went to a local train with some of his friends. He had such a great time. It was a gorgeous day and we just stayed and played and played.

THREE things I love and treasure about LD ( hard to keep it to three!):

  1. He loves everyone. He can be found giving complete strangers hugs. He has such an abundance of love and such a desire to share it. As I have struggled during the last year, if any tears even start to well up in my eyes, LD is running to get me a tissue. He always returns with a tissue, a hug, and an "It's okay, Mami."
  2. He is so funny. He loves to create jokes and they are very three-year-old-ish, but even funnier are the ones he doesn't intend to be funny. One that I don't repeat in front of him (I don't want to encourage it), but is so funny is a month or two ago he spent a day saying, "What the heck?" I gently told him we don't talk like that, but he thought it was funny so he kept saying it. That night, as he was saying his prayers to Heavenly Father, he says, "I thank thee for 'What the heck?' " It was soooooooooo funny. Luckily, that phrase has never come out of his mouth again. Don't know what happened that day, but it was over as soon as he thanked Heavenly Father for it.
  3. He is so innocent. I know this is a three-year-old trait, but it has really been refreshing to watch him be "as a child." He doesn't have anger towards me or DH for the stuff going on in our family. He just misses his dad and wants him to come home. The other three of us deal sometimes with the anger, but LD never does. He is truly innocent and a great reminder of how we should become like little children.

Okay...enough of a is his birthday in pictures (worth 1000 words, right?):

We love you, LD! Happy Birthday!