"The Great Test of Life is Obedience to God."

So...going to church was rough. I so wanted to crawl under a rock and die. I have been there before and somehow came through it, but now I am here again. Food nauseates me. Who cares about the house or anything else? Even my kids....I had to really pull every ounce of strength out to be there for them. I spent the 10 minutes before church started in an empty classroom crying and pleading on my knees in prayer to my Heavenly Father.

I just have a lot going on: sciatica (ouch!), a crazy week from heck, including my birthday that I so don't want to face (what is there to celebrate?), a bad cold/bad allergies, and, most of all, a very broken heart. Church was hard the whole three hours.

Yet, in the middle of Sunday school, there was an answer....it is me. I am not facing my Abrahamic trial with faith. I have promised the Lord to give up what I love for Him. Thought I did that when I gave up my marriage. Guess he needs to prove me some more. But, I have not been willingly giving up what my heart desires for what the Lord is asking of me. Gotta be better. M is better at this than I. I surely can learn from him. Even in the case of Abraham, the Lord had promised him seed as numerous as the stars in the heavens, yet then turned around and asked something completely contradictory in asking Abraham to suffer Isaac. In my small way, the "yes" answers versus the "no" answers are the same. Will I still be willing to sacrifice? Even when it seems contradictory? Do I trust the Lord even when it makes no sense? Abraham also had to show faith by journeying clear to Mount Moriah, and not turning around along the way. Guess it is a journey of faith and trust ahead. So, I have spent the last few hours studying Abraham and Isaac and seeing what I can do to be obedient and faithful like him.

Then, and this is sooooooooooooo cool, definitely a miracle: one of my best friends was speaking in church today in the other ward (congregation) that meets in my building. I have known this for a while, but besides talking to her and praying for her wasn't planning on doing anything about it. In the middle of Relief Society, the Spirit says: "Go listen to J's talk." So, I did. It was EXACTLY, EXACTLY, EXACTLY what I needed to hear. It was on opposition. Now, this is the cool part. The Lord really has to orchestrate things sometimes. It had to be J or I wouldn't have left to listen to a talk in another ward. It had to be this topic since this is what I needed to hear. I definitely feel that the Lord planned it out way in advance to help his poor little daughter that He knew would be struggling. How cool is that?

So, at the end of the day, I am so grateful for a Lord that knows me and loves me, even when I feel that I don't have the faith or the patience that is expected of me. Maybe that is what I have to learn. Still....so grateful.