Change of Plans--I'm going to "Holland"

Life does not always go the way you plan. I have had a difficult time letting go of some of my expectations and "plans" of my life as it takes on a different direction.

This afternoon, a dear friend referred me to this poem. It was actually written to describe how life changes when a special needs child joins the family. While this is not true of the twists and turns in my life, this poem really affected me and brought me peace....so, for now, I am headed to Holland! :)

Poem: “Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome To Holland”.

“Holland?!?” you say, “What do you mean “Holland”??? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills…Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned”.

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away…because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But…if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things…about Holland.

Spring Break Days 3, 4, & 5

It has been a wild and crazy week. Life was already crazy and then all three kids and I came down with a cold. Not mild, but not horrid, either. It just adds to the craziness.

Wednesday, Day 3:

We ran a few errands first (bank run and Sam's club) then we picked up breakfast and ate it at the park and played.

We then went to meet my sister at a mini-train. I worried that it would be crowded since it is near the zoo and it is Spring Break (I even left 30-45 extra minutes early), but I had NO IDEA just how much traffic there were would be. All the exits anywhere near the area were stopped. The freeways all around the zoo were barely moving with the increased traffic. Needless to say we nixed that plan.

We met her instead at a local health food store, but it was also incredibly crowded. We could barely turn around in many places in the store since there were so many people. It was nice to see her and the kids were so excited, but it was very anxiety-inducing. Thank-goodness the day was salvaged when they came to our house on their way home and everyone could just play.

Thursday, Day 4:

Thursday, we went with a group of friends from church to tour a local bread factory. It was very cool. So many thousands of loaves of bread in there at all times. It was somewhat hard to see and a little hot. We did get to wear very flattering hairnets and helmets. I would have loved a picture of my friends and I like that. It was fun.

Friday, Day 5:

Friday, we went to a local indoor water park with some friends. It was cool since we brought one of K's best friends with us and another of her close friends ended up being there, too. The three of them had so much fun. One of C's best friends was there, too, so the big kids really had a great time. LD was scared at first, but then decided that splashing was the best! I loved sitting in the hot tub with friends, although it is difficult to relax much when keeping a very watchful eye on the kids. Even though they know how to swim, there are lifeguards, and they were with buddies, I still get nervous and have to check on them.

I cannot have imagined a crazier week with trying to fit fun stuff in, normal life, and the sickies. It wasn't the Spring Break we imagined, but we managed to have fun! :)

Spring Break-Day 2

This feels like such a haphazard Spring Break. I guess I am just not functioning at 100%. Life is just crazy.

This morning, the kids decided they wanted donuts for Spring Break breakfast. Since we wanted to be out of the house and on our way, we hurried to get all our "Done Before Fun" services done. We sure were starving by the time we ate breakfast!

We grabbed some donuts and I had some work to do at the clinic. They ate their donuts on the floor while I worked.

Next, we were off to Putt Putt (the kids get to choose what they will do, just within the budget). The day was gorgeous. A little hot with a little breeze: perfect! Our first 5-6 holes were so much fun. LD loved it and it was cute to watch him try to putt. After that, he just became a terror, wanting to wander all over the course while K and C were playing. It was difficult to keep up with him and made me seriously consider NEVER playing Putt Putt with a 2-year-old again!

We went in and played arcade games after the golf. That was fun. They had a Spring Break special of 80 tokens for $10, which we divided up 35 each to K and C and 10 for LD and I. It was fun and they all seem to enjoy "earning" their rinky-dink prizes from their tickets.

By this time, we were all exhausted and a little cranky. It was fun, however, and a successful 2nd day of Spring Break!

Spring Break Budget Update: $68.00- $6.89 (Donuts and Juice) - $0 (coupons for Putt Putt) - $10.00 (tokens for arcade games) = $51.11

Spring Break 2009-Day 1

Life doesn't always go as planned (understatement, I guess!). K woke up so sick this morning. Among other things, she had a fever and could hardly move. The kids' plan for today was to go to lunch and the movies. They had decided on seeing "Tale of Despereaux" at the dollar theatre. Since K felt so sick, we all decided not to go. C was a little bored. I got a lot of work done. K slept. LD loved his siblings being home. I guess the "break" part of Spring Break was still there, right?

But, tonight, K felt better. Thank goodness since it was the last night of her gymnastics class that she loves and she'd already missed one class due to the flu. After gymnastics, we rented a movie at Blockbuster (I use my Discover Rewards so it was $0) and went to Sonic for ice cream (exactly $7.00). They stayed up late watching the movie and eating ice cream. Not such a flop of a day after all!

Spring Break Budget Update: $75 - $0 - $7.00 = $68.00

St. Patty's Gingerbread House

So, in late November I gave in to my kids' request and bought a gingerbread house kit. We have made them from scratch before, but I knew that we would not have enough time this year. Yet, it is now March 15th and, as of this morning, was still sitting there, ready to be made. Just a little late. So, when they asked if we could make it today I told them we would after church. And...we did (even though I was dead tired...see, sometimes I am a cool mom after all!). LD thought because of the frosting that it was for a birthday...and it is my brother's 30th birthday today (Happy Birthday, J!). But, we just decided that our family just likes St. Patrick's Day Gingerbread Houses! Since we just used the kit it wasn't very green, but that would be a fun and unique tradition to start: making green gingerbread houses for St. Patrick's Day! :)

On a side note: We are officially on Spring Break! Yippee. Spring Break Budget tomorrow, Baby! That is another great tradition that we ALL love!

Never Mind on the House.

So...update. The house was 100% on last Friday. We were ready to close and everything. Now it is 100% off. I am sad. I love that house, but the timing just ended up not being right. I am in mourning.

Reasons I was The Coolest Mom Ever this Weekend!

Okay...so I will never be the coolest mom ever, but this weekend I got pretty close. DH is away at a seminar for the weekend so we get to have fun! :)

We started the weekend off with sleepovers for K and C. C lost his opportunity to have a sleepover Friday morning (as a mom, this was sooooo heartbreaking!). He did get to earn back having his friend, E, come over to play and eat dinner, just no sleepover. Here are C and E making their homemade pizzas:

K and her friends also got to make pizzas. The three of them are really good girls and 9 1/2 is such a fun age!

C and E spent the entire evening playing Star Wars "live" or playing Star Wars video games. LD had a great time watching them and learning how to be a Jedi!

The girls had so much fun together. I trust them so much that I went to bed and let them do whatever until they fell asleep (which I heard was 2 ish in the morning!). It was nice to let them get the sleeping bags, pillows, and blankets and take care of it themselves. The only thing they didn't take care of is turning off the lights. Here they are cupstacking with LD:

The next morning, K asked if we could take her friends out to see the new house. It actually wasn't on my agenda, but I do want her to feel as comfortable as possible with this new move. So, we went out spur-of-the-moment to see the house. They had a great time and I think it helped them all realize that we aren't moving forever away.

One of K's friends had to leave since her aunt was headed to the hospital to have a baby. Her other friend, S, is like my other daughter. I keep her before and after school and have been for three years. Her parents were busy running errands she would find boring, so she stayed with us most of the day.

I took a vote and everyone wanted to head up (30-45 minutes) to my niece (E)'s soccer game. It was the perfect weather and those 4-year-old soccer players are so dang cute! It was fun for me, too, since we stayed and let all the kiddos play at the park while my sister and I got to chat. It was great! :)

Then, since I am so cool like that, I stopped by McDonald's on the way home to buy the kiddos lunch. They really thought that Saturday was the best! :)

We also got to spend a fun time at the Ward Chili Cook Off/Pinewood Derby. It was really fun. We didn't have enough time to make our car, but we enjoyed the company so much. I felt we really had to go since we won't be in this ward much longer. LD fell asleep on the way over and I basically just sat and held him sleeping on my lap and visited with a couple friends. It was very relaxing.

Now, as for me, this is how I spent Friday night (especially since the girls wanted the TV and the Living Room):

Can you tell I love reading?

And this is how I spent Saturday night: playing Rockband, Taboo, Apples to Apples, and Imaginiff with some friends. It was so much fun and I, at least, haven't laughed so hard in a long time!

Yucky Morning Blues: Resolved!

I woke up this morning feeling just yucky. All the worries of the past year seemed to weigh exceptionally heavy upon me again this morning. I felt so down and upset. I felt that there was no uplift and no answers. I studied my scriptures, I threw myself into loving and caring for my children, I cleaned the house, and I went to the gym to workout. All of a sudden, as I walked into the gym, I realized that my nasty mood had been replaced by a joyful one. Wondering how this could have happened, I felt the quiet answer, "Because you were doing what you should be doing." What a great answer and realization! :)

Yucky Morning Blues: Resolved!

Taken Care Of

I have always been taught (and I really believe) that God won't give you more than you can handle. But...I have sometimes been on the brink of questioning him during these struggles of the past year. Today, though, I realized that He provides the way to make you stronger and able to make it through.


I have always been blessed with the ability to make friends...usually fairly quickly, but this past year I have been extra blessed to have many, many amazing and strong women be around me and be my support, probably when I could not support myself. I think that that is how God is helping me to weather the storms of life. One such dear friend felt prompted to bring me a copy of a talk given (by another friend!) at a meeting that I was not at. It was EXACTLY what I needed. EXACTLY. What an amazing woman this friend (that brought me the talk) is and I know it is no coincidence that we have been in the right places to become friends this year. This is how God makes it so I don't have more than I can handle.

In this talk was this quote from Henry B. Eyring, "The great test of life is to see whether we will hearken to and obey God's commands in the midst of the storms of life. It is not to endure storms, but to choose the right while they rage." I needed this and many other parts of my friend's talk so much. How thankful I am that Heavenly Father took care of me through her and that she listened! How blessed I am and how taken care of I feel!

Flowers, Basketball, Girls' Night, To Buy or Not to Buy...That is the Question

It has been a crazy week. I am sure it is one of the craziest of my life (although I know it wasn't THE craziest, but it was crazy, crazy, crazy!). Here are some of the events of the last few days:

Flowers: Here are some pictures of my gorgeous flowers that I received for my birthday. I love them so much and they bring such joy to me. The roses are from DH. The big bouquet is from a good friend that didn't even know it was my birthday, but was thinking of me! How cool is that? The tulips are from a couple of dear friends, Jay and one of my visiting teachers. I love them all.

Basketball: C played his last game of the season Saturday. We were all very sentimental. C loves basketball so much. He had a good game, but was so frustrated since the other team was cheating and triple-teaming him. We had a teenage ref and he just didn't stop it like the adult ones do. It was not the best way to end the season, but such is life. As sad as I am, I won't miss the time that practices and games take (although it will soon be replaced again with karate, I am sure.)

Girls' Night: Friday, a couple of my friends planned a nice dinner out with some of my closest friends (including my sister!). Unfortunately another girls' night was planned for the same time and since both parties had planned it in advance, neither could change it. It was so fun. I love my friends, both those there and those not there. I feel so loved.

Finally, To Buy or Not to Buy: DH and I have been going back and forth on buying a house. We have been looking off and on for over a year. We found a house that we feel such peace about. It is about 15 miles from our current house and means a lot of changes: new ward, new schools, and further to the clinic and shopping. But, it is in the country and has one acre of trees and even a stream running through it. There is plenty of land to explore, play on, and enjoy. We have put down a deposit, taken it back, and then put down even more money. Now we still find ourselves with some questions. It is a big leap of faith and we will just have to see how the Lord leads us. We just want to trust in Him, one way or the other.

Finally, today was stake conference. It was tough. All three kids decided to be hard to handle in one way or another. Taking them to church alone has been tough and today was really hard. Yet, twice during the broadcast, right as I was thinking it was too hard to continue this way, it was if the speakers were speaking directly to me, answering my doubtful thoughts and filling my mind with some peace. What a testimony that God knows who I am.

So, a boring catch-up post, but I really want to remember all these events and I am trying to be a better blogger. :)

One Great Day

It has been one great day. I began the day thinking... I will blog tonight about how many emails I'd received, how many phone calls, how many visits, etc.. But, there were too many to count. I spent the day answering the door and the phone, as well as reading new comments and emails and listening to voicemails. It was great! :) I feel so loved. My gifts from my family and from my friends were so perfect for me. It means so much how well people know me and it makes me feel so special that they know me so well. I got to go out to lunch and out to dinner. I even got to play Rockband with one of my friends in the middle of the day. I tell you...I didn't do one productive thing the entire day....just relished in how loved I feel. Even the check-in thing at the gym sang "Happy Birthday" instead of just beeping.

To all of you that made this day so perfect: Thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you for thinking of me and loving me.

I spent my afternoon prayer time on my knees in tears...of joy and gratitude...Heavenly Father must love me, for he sent me all these angels! :)

Why am I one of the Lucky Ones?

So, tomorrow I turn 32. This past year has been rough, really rough. Actually rougher than I ever could imagine in my wildest dreams about roughness. Yet, I sit here tonight so grateful for the multitude of blessings I enjoy. How can I complain when I am one of the Lucky Ones?

A few of my precious blessings:

• A wonderful, intact, loving, and healthy family (DH, me, and our three kiddos).
• Friends. I can't say enough about my friends. I have been blessed to have so many friends. I truly believe that I have been blessed with some of the greatest women that have ever lived as my friends. They are my angels. I seriously can't say enough. Thank-you.
• My Savior. This year of struggles has been such a blessing in that I have never felt the Savior's presence as close as I have this year. I know He loves me. I know He guides me. I know He weeps when I weep. I am so grateful for all He has done for me.
• The Gospel of Jesus Christ. What great peace the Gospel brings. It puts this earth-life into perspective. And, what a blessing to have a living Prophet to lead the way.
• The Clinic. We have owned our own clinic for 3 1/2 years now. How lucky we are. We were so blessed with the Lord's help with everything from location to timing to enough patients to more than sustain us. While we have been there many times, I am so grateful that, at this time, I don't have to worry about whether there will be enough money this month to pay the bills and eat.

How lucky I am! And, here's to a better year at 32 than at 31! :)

Weekend Away

This weekend was an early birthday present from DH: A weekend away without kids!

A HUGE, GIGANTIC THANKS TO MY SISTER for taking them! Six kids for a weekend is a lot and they were so thoughtful, even bringing C down for his basketball game, even though they live 1/2 hour away!

Since we didn't have a lot of time, we ended up staying in a nice, 4-star hotel in a nearby city. We actually didn't do a ton. We did, however,

• workout together without worrying about kids.
• went to the local Museum of Art and actually took our time without rushing with the kids.
• ate out and actually got to talk to each other (doesn't usually happen with three kids demanding our time).
• relaxed without worrying or feeling guilty (Hey! We were away!) about clinic-stuff, house-stuff, kid-stuff, yard-stuff, church-stuff, etc. That was so nice.
• talked and talked.

It was one of the best weekends ever! I am certain that if my sister is up to it, we will be doing this again! :)

~Thanks, DH, love ya!~

42-12

That was the score at C's last game. We have a budding NBA star on our hands! Well, perhaps not, but he sure thinks he is. And, he is tearing up the floor on his basketball team. He scored 20 points of his team's 42. If we were keeping assist records, he probably had 8-12 assists. In fact, he would sometimes overlook an open shot just to share the ball with his teammates. It has been so fun to watch him this year and he really is an awesome point guard. He just loves this game and it shows. :) I just wish we lived in an area that they had two basketball seasons like they do baseball and soccer. Bummer.

It's cold outside and it's loud inside!

First, I haven't disappeared, I promise. Just out of the loop lately. Thank-goodness I have the November Ensign full of words of the prophets to keep me grounded.

Anyhow, it is freezing...literally...outside. They say an ice storm is on the way, but it doesn't seem so certain to me. I think we might have a late start tomorrow, but not a day off. We'll see, though. I am definitely not a meteorologist.

We have all been busy with our family Santa gift...Rockband. It is so fun to play together as a family. Anything that brings us closer together is good. C rocks at drums. DH loves the guitar. K is an excellent singer. It is fun, even though it can get super loud. Here is LD "playing" the drums. He loves to "play." :)

Locked out

Ya gotta love two-year-olds. Today, right after my shower (I was fully dressed, but my hair still wet), I decided to run an extra bag of trash down to the curb before the trash truck came around. It was freezing so I ran and it was literally a 10-second job.

When I got back to the door, it was locked and LD was on the other side saying, "I locked the door, Mami." Duh! Here I was locked out in the freezing cold with wet hair. No keys. All the doors to my house locked. DH has Tuesday mornings off, but he'd gone for a hike and since he has a new cell phone and I just have it programmed in my phone I couldn't even remember his phone number. I decided I might just have to sit outside and freeze until DH returned. I couldn't very well leave my little two-year-old home alone. After about 15 minutes of "Mami, open the door!", (To which I'd reply, "I can't. YOU LOCKED IT!") LD finally figured out how to unlock the deadbolt and let me in! WHEW!

Change...a little boy is growing up.

This post is all about our precious LD. I have no doubt that he was sent to our family for very specific reasons at the time he was. What a little ball of joy (most of the time....he can be very two-ish when he wants to be!). This week has marked big changes for him.

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First, on Saturday, DH and I finally put up the bunk beds and took down the crib. I know, I know...he was a bit old for a crib! He is by far our the oldest of any of our kids to leave the crib. But...he loved it and I loved it. It was a win-win. Nonetheless, it was time for him to move up. He cried saying goodbye to his crib on Saturday, but since then, I don't think he has looked back. He is even taking naps on it well, which is what I most worried about.

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Second, he has been potty training. He is doing so well. So far....no accidents! I know they will come, but this sure is a great start! What another big change for the little guy. Since we are just in the early stages of training, I still put on a diaper when we go out. It was funny since tonight we were in the library and he started screaming "I'm going bish (Spanish) right now!" I guess he has figured out what it feels like to need to go.

Last day of Christmas Break

It is the last day of Christmas Break, not counting the weekend. I have to say...I am ready for the kids to go back to school. I am ready for the routine of life again. I am ready to not have constant bickering. I have loved having them home, but it is definitely time.
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Thank goodness that today we have a lot of friends over. It is so fun, although the girls do feel outnumbered (3 girls and 8 boys). Luckily, the girls are the three oldest and enjoy helping the littler ones, as well.
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The weather is so beautiful that we even got to go outside for a picnic lunch (and it felt HOT!). The great thing about this picnic is that it was so win-win. When the girls asked if they could have a picnic and I said "Yes," you would've thought I was the greatest mom on the planet. What they didn't know is that....by having a picnic, we had crumbs outside and plenty of seating for all 11! What a great way to spend our last day.

Christmas in pictures

The last few days have been very hectic, yet very, very special. Highlights include: Christmas Eve at Red Lobster, Christmas morning from Santa, going to see Annie on Christmas day (Thanks for the tickets, Santa), picking up LD from my sister's, going to the cabin, our friends joining us at the cabin for a night. It was an amazing few days! It was so good for our family. We love being together...and, two years in a row at the cabin....just might become a tradition! :)