So much for one a day! Catch-up Continued

Okay..Okay...So, I had a list of 10 upcoming posts. It has been an extremely busy week and I haven't posted all week. So, we are only up to 5 and 6. -sigh- I'm working on it, I promise.

We went a second time to the Pumpkin Patch so the big kids could go. It was even muddier than the first time! This is the mud that got on the socks in the "mud-free" area around the bounce houses (I actually just threw the socks away and had the kids go sock-less after this):

Aren't these great pictures of S?:

DH called at the last minute to ask if I could bring the kids some costumes. I was still working on the Harry Potter ones, so I brought the ones they ORIGINALLY were going to be. I then stopped and did K's hair outside of DH's apartment. Sure turned out cute and I am glad that they each got to be two things this year for Halloween.

After we all got back from Trick-or-Treating, I made a fire in the fireplace. Once our friends left, we all got blankets and pillows and had a huge family slumber party in the living room. I am too old to sleep on the floor, I guess, and when I got up to go to bed, this is what I found:

So, there you have it: Halloween 2009!

It was me

I just have to interject this post in the middle of all my catch-up posts.

As many of you know, last week we had Stake Conference. I went to the evening adult session on Saturday night. The second half really threw me for a loop....among the lowest of lows loop, including extreme discouragement, frustration, depression, and a feeling that I could not go on. Thank goodness I have loving friends and leaders that guided me quickly out of this loop and I have had a great week.

But, last night I reread my notes from the first half of that Saturday night session. This is some of what was said:

• "If faith, fasting, and priesthood blessing doesn't heal you, Atonement will."
• "When you are doing the Lord's work, your children are in His hands and His hands are always better than your hands."
• "All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ."

So, it was me. I had all the answers even before the pain started. It was me that turned away and allowed myself to feel that extreme anguish. He had already given me the answers. It was me.

Gymnastics - October 26, 2009

Every year our local high school holds a 7-8 week gymnastics class. The classes actually do age-appropriate things on the real gymnastics equipment. K LOVES it! Every year she can't wait to do it. Since it is on Monday nights when DH has them, he has been taking K. I got to be there a couple of times, however. The parents sit relatively far away from the kids (except picture day...which hasn't happened yet and DH will probably be the one that is there), so this picture is blurry and grainy.

Notice the costume....it was costume night at gymnastics and K won one of the prizes in the contest! She was sooooooooooooooo excited.

This is another sort of random picture. Here is LD with two of his friends that were playing at our house. They are all three and they love to play together! They will grow up so fast. I have similar pictures with K and C at this age. -sigh-

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PS....I am doing it! One post a day and I am slowly but surely catching up! :)

Sailing - October 24, 2009

I have this amazing friend, G, who is helping me with my big Christmas project. She and her husband also own a sailboat. They offered to take me sailing one Saturday. I absolutely LOVED it! I jokingly told G that now I have another thing to put on my list....if I ever do get remarried, he has to know how to sail! It was such a great experience.

One thing that really struck me was how scared I would have been if I did not trust these two people that were sailing the boat. It was very windy and many times the boat tilted way over to one direction or another. It was all part of sailing, but without that trust I would've been terrified. I guess that is a type of the trust that we need in our Savior. We don't have to be terrified of this life. He is the sailor and He knows what He is doing.

This is just a random picture LD took of me a day or two later. When he saw me going through pictures he wanted me to post it, too....wet hair, make-up-less and all!

National Anthem at Minor League Hockey Game - Oct. 24, 2009

K and her select school choir were given the opportunity to sing the National Anthem at a local minor league hockey game. It was even the team's banner ceremony where they were celebrating all the accomplishments of the last year. I guess the team was pretty good.

K was so excited. Here they are on the ice waiting for the time to sing.

Unfortunately, the sound guy messed up or something. They didn't play the choir's music for the National Anthem. The choir didn't get to sing and the show went right on. Those poor kids and teacher. They all got out on the ice, didn't sing, then all walked back off the ice. They were so disappointed. While the team was unable/unwilling to do anything about the situation that night, they did promise to invite the choir back later in the year and, since we all had to buy tickets (even the choir members), that they would give us all free tickets for the second game.

Pinewood Derby - October 23, 2009

C participated in his first ever pinewood derby last month. We are so blessed that he got to participate in it. First, we have great home teachers who, for weeks had C over to work on his car with them. He loved it. I loved that he was rubbing shoulders with great Priesthood holders. I am so grateful. Second, the derby itself was during DH's time with the kids. He was generous enough to let C go. What a blessing.

Now, for the race itself. C's car won the first three-four races easily. It looked great. His face was pure joy, especially when he won that very first race. Then he lost one. This put him in the playoff race for third place. He lost that one, too, ending up 4th. He was devastated. Oh well. It was still worth it. He really had so much fun. But, it doesn't matter how often you tell an 8-year-old that "winning isn't everything," they still wish that they had won.

The sad thing was that my camera quickly ran out of batteries. I thought it was charged enough. Nope. I was wrong. I took more pictures with my phone...but, in the interest of actually getting these posts caught up a little....I didn't take the time to download them off the phone yet.

Backlog of Posts...Pumpkin Patch - October 16, 2009

Oh my. Oh my. We have been so busy over the last few weeks and this time I actually have made myself a list of posts that still need to be posted. I really want to keep this record...so, be looking for these posts soon (hopefully) to come:

1. Pinewood Derby
2. Hockey Game
3. Sailing
4. Gymnastics
5. Pumpkin Patch #2
6. Halloween
7. Firetruck
8. Haircut
9. Camping
10. Field Trip

I really am striving to keep them in chronological order.

OK. I don't know why the words above all of a sudden went blue and underlined. I am just happy to actually post again...so please forgive it!

And, as long as I am spouting out about nothing, I am sitting here basking in the smell of homemade bread. I have had the feeling for about a year that I need to be baking my own bread for my family. I am finally acting on it and Mondays are always bread day. We've tried all kinds...today is Oatmeal Honey. It is yummy! Luckily my kids are on board and don't mind taking the bread in their lunches!

Now, this post is almost a MONTH overdue. Yikes. I went with two of my dearest friends and their sons to a local pumpkin patch. LD loved it. One of the only bad parts was the mud....I tried to take a picture of it, but you really can't tell. With all the rain, it was sooooo muddy and your feet just sank in. It was very, very muddy and gooey.

This picture (above) is of me and my close friends taken by LD. He really wanted to take a picture of us. I am glad. I don't have many pictures with my friends!

LD loved this maze. He went through it probably 30-35 times. Below is him running around to go at it yet another time. (Note the mud on the jeans and that you cannot even see his shoe really...it is so sunk in the mud!)

What a great day! :)

"He's a Bad Guy...."

Out of the mouths and minds of 3-year-olds:

DH took all the kids to the NBA game that I got him tickets for last night. Late night, but they had fun. This is what happened this morning:

LD was playing with his fan from last night. He says, "Mami, this guy is a bad guy." I look at it and it is a player from the other team. I said, "He helped beat the Jazz, right? That is why he is a bad guy." LD looks up at me and says, "No, he is a bad guy because he steals stuff. I saw him steal from the Jazz. Stealing is bad. He is a bad guy."

Too cute. :)

Aren't you jealous?

Okay, okay, okay....I know none of you would ever want to be in my situation. You all know I wouldn't even be here if it was my choice.

BUT...
I am sitting here re-listening/re-watching General Conference while sewing my children's costumes (they changed their minds on THURSDAY about what they wanted to be). And, guess what??? No one is climbing up me. No one is needing me. No one is bothering me.

On breaks from the sewing, I am reorganizing and cleaning out K's room. I don't know how it can get so disorganized so fast, but she manages it. And, guess what??? No one is telling me I can't throw such-and-such away. No one is complaining of being hungry. No one is fighting with each other. I have my music and I am cleaning away.

My morning was busy and my afternoon all booked up, but where I was going to be got canceled. So, with two extra free hours I am going to get my eyebrows waxed and shop for some stuff to finish organizing K's room. And, guess what again??? No one is complaining about going to the store. No one is taking 20 minutes to put on a pair of shoes. No one is protesting going down for a nap.

There are moments that all this silence is refreshing and so, aren't you just a teeny weeny bit jealous???

Hope it is a great Halloween!!

Happy Birthday, DH!

Happy Birthday to DH! This would've been our 15th one celebrated together. I hope he had a good day. I had the kids call and wish him a happy birthday at the crack of dawn. This afternoon we made him a cake (which the kids decorated themselves!) and wrapped his presents. We also decorated the yard with balloons so that when he came to pick them up, he would feel loved. They are out to eat with him right now. I hope they are having a great time.

I miss him. Today has been tough. Amongst all the other presents we gave him (including Jazz tickets), I gave him what he told me he wanted most for his birthday: I signed our divorce decree. Happy Birthday, my dear DH. Still love you.

C's School Play-October 15, 2009

Okay, okay, okay, I know this is over a week late...I have a lot of catch up posts to do. I have been swamping myself with my project and other things just don't get done. And, just because I know there are those out there that are wondering....I am doing really well. I have been doing well clear since last Monday. I am blessed right now with such great peace. Last night, right before I fell asleep, I had a huge smile on my face and remember thinking, "I am so happy. I am truly happy." With all I have been through, it is nice to feel that pure happiness. Thank you for your prayers.


C's school musical, "Mighty Minds," was such a fun play. It was the entire 3rd grade. The music was fun and catchy. C had a pretty big and complicated line. The sad thing was that he was supposed to do his line in the middle of a song. Due to technical difficulties, however, the music went out, and his line was skipped. The disappointment on his face was classic. Luckily, his music teacher is incredible and she had the three kids with skipped lines come say theirs before the musical went on.

My sister and her hubby are so amazing to me. They were definitely supposed to move here to be close to me during this time. His play was during the time when I was really struggling and seeing DH there seemed like an overwhelming thought. I called S and P and they dropped everything and came to C's play...to support C and to support me. Thank-you! Here are the two 3-year-old cousins at McDonald's after. Too cute.

Ice Skating! Happy Birthday, K!

K's birthday was in June. It was a very hectic time for us. She has three best friends and they were all out of town at different times in the summer. We could never even get two of them home at the same time! What she really wanted to do was go ice skating with her best friends. With her being at her dad's house most weekends, now that school was in, her friends were back but the available times to skate were gone.

Finally, we had a Monday off from school (Columbus Day) and she was at my house, not DH's. It was perfect. One of her friends is in a different district and they did have school. We decided, though, it is now or never....3 1/2 months AFTER your birthday is late enough!

A great friend took the two boys and the girls and I headed across town (almost an hour) to a beautiful mall with a beautiful rink. They had a blast. It was so fun!

A few very tired and sore legs and happy smiles later! :)

Reason # 387 NOT to own a dog

This morning, I awakened to a very lovely smell and sight. Not to be too gross...no details...just a lot of dog poop and vomit filled my entire kitchen. Yuck. I even found more in the garage this morning. Double Yuck. Maybe her love of drinking dirty rain water has finally taken its toll! I don't know.

Well, as I'm compulsively cleaning the mess....four or five times....and Lysoling and Clorox Wiping over and over, LD walks in and says very indignantly, "God gave us a kitchen and Jazz pooped all over it!" It was a moment I had to document so I took a cleaning break to do it.

By the way, we ate breakfast in the living room this morning. Kids thought that was great! :)

Another Sad One

Okay...another depressing post. Stop reading NOW if you don't want to hear it.


Okay...still reading....So, will there ever be a point I stop crying? What in the world could DH want that I didn't give him? How could he do this to his children? What is the point? What could be better than the love of your family and the security of a home together? I don't understand. It seems pointless to go on with life when the one that is supposed to protect you betrays you and the one you love most in the whole world decided he doesn't love you and doesn't want you. What could I have given him more?

Sorry. It just feels better to vent.

Old and New

Wow! It has been a very crazy/fun week and I don't even know where to begin with posting! Ice skating on Monday? C's play on Thursday? Pumpkin Patch on Friday? I plan to post pictures of all of it.

Today, however, I am posting about my comforter set. My old one I have had for only three years, I think. But, this means it was DH's and I's set. I decided I was ready to change the bedroom a little and purchased this new set. I am very pleased with it. I am not a curtain person in general. I like the simple of lines of the big slat blinds. But, I think I am even going to add curtains to my room as well.

Here are the before and after. Notice the "I love you" stuffed animal in the before. DH gave that to me a few years ago for Valentine's Day. It was also time for that to go. Hope someone at Goodwill can use a cute gorilla! :)

BEFORE:
AFTER:

Actually, the pictures don't do either one justice. They both looked better in person...but you get the idea, I guess.

Hard Times and a BIG project!

Life has been really hard. Those of you who know me know I keep a pretty cheerful attitude and I've even with a lot of help from the Lord fought off the anger and bitterness many times. Yet, for the last week or so, the anger seems here to stay. It will go away I know this. In the mean time, in my attempt to hurry along the process, I have printed dozens and dozens of pages from past General Conferences with topics of "Anger," "Forgiveness," "Divorce" and so forth. I have been praying, fasting, and reading my scriptures....yet the anger remains. The betrayal is very real and the hurt I feel for the children is even more real. My own hurt I can go around, but the change in lifestyle and the pain of my children is harder to deal with than I ever imagined. I know it will be okay. I know there are many more days of sunshine and happiness ahead. Just pray for me for now.

So, last night, I came up with a vision for a huge project. It will be for Christmas so I can't describe it, but it is HUGE and will take hours and hours and hours a day, but I am actually excited about it. And, these days, when it seems like a better plan to just sleep all day (I haven't yet) and turn off the world, having a project to dive into is probably just what the doctor ordered. I can't wait to tell y'all my plan and (fingers crossed) be able to show you the final products!

Darn Cycles and My Own Challenge

First....why do I have to go through the cycles? I am so down and depressed today. I wonder why he would ever leave me. What did I do wrong? Why would he not want to be in this home we created together with the kids we created together? Why? Why? Why? What more is there out in the big bad world that he would want? I just miss him so much. I am happy to report, however, that while these icky cycles used to happen every few days, this time it was more than a month between my last "down" and this one that kind of started a few days ago.

Second, I have given myself a challenge and I already want to break it. Maybe if I post about it I will hold fast. I usually grocery shop once a week. I did late last week. After I got home, I decided to not shop again for nearly three weeks. I did not shop for three weeks, I had only shopped for one. But, in a small way, it is to see just how prepared I am. Now, I am kicking myself for not buying more fresh fruits and veggies and more dairy products. I only bought enough to last the week, not three! I guess it will be more of a fair experiment this way. If we run out of milk, I guess we'll try that powdered stuff. If we run out of eggs... powdered stuff again. If we run out of bread, guess I'll be baking some. We'll just see how it goes. So....17 more days until I can shop again. Wish us luck!

Random Firsts

This post is quite random. I have had a great couple of days with some "firsts" in my life.

I started my first attempt at sewing anything almost two years ago. Then I got called into the Relief Society Presidency and then a month after that my life turned upside down. I had barely begun this butterfly quilt when all this happened. Now, almost two years later, I pulled it out again, took it to a good friend's house that is an amazing quilter, and then came home home and finished piecing the wings. I can't wait to keep going on it! Here are the wings:

Another first: I bought myself an early Christmas present: a Kitchenaid mixer. I have always wanted one and lately I have felt that I need to be frequently making bread for my family. A good deal came up and so I went for it. Here it is in all its beautifulness. It just doesn't fit on my counter under the cabinets...it is too tall! I haven't used it yet. Maybe tomorrow.

Finally, we have lived in our home for 6.5 years and NEVER burned a fire in our fireplace. Mostly it was so new and white and perfect and we didn't want to soot it up. Well, it looks like I will be here for a while. And, since I have the kids this weekend, the plan was to go camping. But, the rains fell and the temperature soon followed. So, I took the plunge and we had a fire tonight.Look carefully....you can see the marshmallow sticks!
Life is good. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. I am one of the lucky ones! :)

Questions for all my divorced friends....

Do you ever get over it? Do you ever heal? Do you still miss him/her so much sometimes it feels like you will explode?

Really...this post sounds more pathetic than I really have felt. Actually, I am doing REALLY well. I have been better the last 3-4 weeks than I have been in probably the last year. But, tonight, I miss him so much I feel like I could just die with heartache.

I know it will just continue to get better...but, tonight, just for tonight, I need some reassurance.

Words of the Prophets

Those of you who have followed my blog for any amount of time know just how much I love General Conference. I love hearing the words of a prophet...living...right NOW on the earth today. As long as I can remember I have looked forward with eager anticipation to General Conference. It is not a holiday for me, it is a feast...a spiritual feast. It is a time for me to worship my Lord and Savior and learn how I and my family can be better over the next six months. It is truly a time I treasure. With each conference, I come away uplifted, more sure of who I am, and eager to be a better person. This one was no exception.

A cool experience with this one was that I came to conference praying for specific guidance and help on 3-4 topics. EVERY question I had, every desire of my heart to find an answer...all answered in the first session. How wonderful to know I have a Father in the Heavens that knows me and loves me and is willing to help and guide me.

Here are just a few of the things that really touched me:

• Elder Richard G. Scott: Spirituality yields two fruits: Inspiration to know what to do and the Power to do it! And The Lord will not force you to learn. You have to exercise agency to authorize the spirit to teach you.
• Elder David A. Bednar: Be "more diligent and concerned at home." These are the three ways he suggested: 1)Express love and show it, 2) Bear testimony and live it, and 3) Be consistent! Consistency in small things leads to a great work.
• President Dieter F. Uchtdorf: Love is the defining characteristic of a disciple of Jesus Christ. God does not need us to love Him, but oh how wee need to love God.
• Tad R. Callister: Sometimes we trade spiritual birthright for a mess of pottage.
• Elder Neil L. Anderson: Repentance always means that there is greater happiness ahead.
• President Henry B. Eyring: Any believing Latter-Day Saint is an optimist....no matter what the circumstances are now. And, You have had evidences that you are moving along the road to become like Jesus.
• Sister Ann M. Dibb: "They had the equipment. They just chose not to wear it."
• President Thomas S. Monson: Lose ourselves in service to others or there is little purpose to our lives. And, Don't immerse self in the thick of thin things.
• Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: Book of Mormon is safety for the soul.
• Elder Quentin L. Cook: In all stewardship efforts, follow Jesus Christ. Review as a family the stewardships for which we are accountable to God.
• Elder D. Todd Christofferson: Our aim is to have children truly converted to Christ while they are with us. Strength will come from WHO they are (disciples of Christ) not what the KNOW.

What an outpouring of the Spirit. How blessed we are!

Happy Birthday, LD!

LD turned 3 on Tuesday. THREE years old....when I started blogging, he was three months. What a joy he is to me and to our whole family. I do not think it was coincidence that he came to our family when he did. We have needed his loving disposition and his cheerful countenance so much this last year.

For his birthday, we went to a local train with some of his friends. He had such a great time. It was a gorgeous day and we just stayed and played and played.

THREE things I love and treasure about LD (hmmm....so hard to keep it to three!):

1. He loves everyone. He can be found giving complete strangers hugs. He has such an abundance of love and such a desire to share it. As I have struggled during the last year, if any tears even start to well up in my eyes, LD is running to get me a tissue. He always returns with a tissue, a hug, and an "It's okay, Mami."
   
2. He is so funny. He loves to create jokes and they are very three-year-old-ish, but even funnier are the ones he doesn't intend to be funny. One that I don't repeat in front of him (I don't want to encourage it), but is so funny is a month or two ago he spent a day saying, "What the heck?" I gently told him we don't talk like that, but he thought it was funny so he kept saying it. That night, as he was saying his prayers to Heavenly Father, he says, "I thank thee for 'What the heck?' " It was soooooooooo funny. Luckily, that phrase has never come out of his mouth again. Don't know what happened that day, but it was over as soon as he thanked Heavenly Father for it.
   
3. He is so innocent. I know this is a three-year-old trait, but it has really been refreshing to watch him be "as a child." He doesn't have anger towards me or DH for the stuff going on in our family. He just misses his dad and wants him to come home. The other three of us deal sometimes with the anger, but LD never does. He is truly innocent and a great reminder of how we should become like little children.

Okay...enough of a novel....here is his birthday in pictures (worth 1000 words, right?):

We love you, LD! Happy Birthday!