Summer Trip...Continued..FAMILY ROCKS! (June 25-June 27)

I cannot believe how many pictures I have to go through! We really packed it in while were out of town last month. After being in Idaho, we drove to Utah to my awesome and incredible sister-in-law's house. They had a bunch of family in town for a wedding, but they still lovingly put us up unexpectedly. What a great example of hospitality and love.

The second night we were there, we went to Savior of the World...a musical performed by the youth of the Stake. It was incredible. The Spirit was very strong. I know it touched me and I know it touched C. K was still in Texas with our good friends. We were missing her and wishing she was there. Here are those family-filled days in pictures:

Papi O. and J at Savior of the World....these two have a very special bond and I have dozens of pictures with Papi O carrying J.
On Saturday, we went to a festival where my other dear sis-in-law was painting faces and applying glimmer tattoos. Both were very cool. My nephew, A, was also in town for football camp. We had the extra special and unusual opportunity to have all the grandsons together at once. So...of course I had to take a picture.

All the grandsons with their grandpa.

These three cousins absolutely love each other. Crazy kids.

More boy cousin time.

J and his cousin, G, loved each other so much. They are only a few months apart. Every afternoon, either L or I would read them books before they both laid down for a nap. Here is L reading to them.

Told ya there would be another...I didn't even realize I uploaded two of them. :)

S, CR, and C....in their Sunday best...on a trampoline. Usually it is not a Sabbath activity, but....cousins are together only so infrequently that we bent the rules.

Me with my dear in-laws. Oh, how I love them!

J and G playing together. Later, KB, the oldest of the cousins came out and drew with them. She is so good with them and all the kids love her.

A and me. Wow! He is so tall. When I first joined the family, he was only 2 or 3. Wow!

CB giving rides to G and J. They all had so much fun. It was like pulling teeth to get them to come in again when it was bedtime.

How I love, love, love our family! We always have a wonderful time. It makes me so wish we lived closer so the cousins could experience more time together. We are counting down the days until we get to be together again. I think it will be for Thanksgiving since I don't have the kids for Christmas this year. Maybe XDH will take them for Christmas. They would love to go twice in the fall/winter!!!!!

Exhausted...for good reason

Wow! I am sooooo exhausted. I haven't yet recovered fully from my spur-of-the-moment trip out of town. And....this week we have gone glasses shopping/purchased glasses, spent a lot of time with my in-laws who made a surprise visit into town, went to Six Flags in 108 degree heat, and went to the museum (with my in-laws). I am absolutely exhausted. I cannot remember ever being this tired....I don't even think I have recovered from my trip to Colorado/Utah/Idaho. More fun tomorrow, too. :)

Here are the last few days in pictures:

This other state I visited is sooooooooooooo pretty. I had never been there, but it reminded me of Portland (I used to live there). Above is a picture I took as I drove to return the rental car. It doesn't even do it justice. WOW!

Above is a view from the plane as I was going home. Looking through the window, I spent hours thinking of how immensely awe-inspiring God is. All flesh is in his hands, including me and my odd trip out of town.

Home.

Now for the kids and their glasses. Above is the "before" picture and below is the "after." Both of them chose their own glasses and I think they did a GREAT job!

My dear father-in-law with J. They love each other and we all love ice cream in this heat. Yesterday we broke the rules and ate ice cream first before lunch! Oh well, this we only get one life, we have to live it, right?

Now, Six Flags. This was the first thing we did and we were already sweating to death. HOT!

Lunch. C intentionally made a silly face....it wasn't that he had food in there. :) Silly kid.

Up in the tower above the park. Beautiful.

This is my very favorite ride....maybe in my whole life. C and I rode it and I absolutely LOVED it. I could've done it all day long. This picture was taken from up in the tower.

Ready for the parade after a very LONG day!

The light parade was so fun!

Today at the museum. We went to a Leonardo Da Vinci exhibit. He was so amazing. Here is K after helping recreate an arch.

Another part of the exhibit was creating and testing a suspension bridge. Here is J with Papi O.

C's wheels were turning in his brain as he used materials to invent a windmill.

K created a tower (with a "K" on top).

She also created a fan hat with a fan always at her disposal (stuck in the back).

At the energy exhibit...Papi O, Mami R, and C, J, and K. We loved being together.

J is shopping...very seriously, of course. Not a job to be taken lightly!

They have an outside fountain outside the museum. Perfect for a day like today. On the way home, we read a sign that put the temperature at 115. I think it might've been a little high, but probably not too much. Yikes! That is hot!

K and C loved the fountain and were soaked. Papi O and I each went through once and got drenched that one time! If you look carefully, you can see C's face with pure joy through the fountain. It was the end of a wonderful day. :)

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It is now 10:12 and I am so tired. I will read my scriptures and go to bed. Hopefully receiving enough energy to be ready for the Primary activity tomorrow morning! ZZZZZZZZ... (good night).

.

PS....I am trying to not share too much personal information, but I have to mention that CK and I are taking a week-long discovery break. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I definitely know that I miss my best friend.

The Craziest Thing I Have Ever Done

I had a prompting Saturday at the temple that seemed absolutely insane. But, the urgency kept building. I decided I would follow the prompting and fly to an unknown city. I started planning on going in two weeks. Yet the urgency never left, in fact it kept pressing on me. So, less than 24 hours ago, the thought FIRST crossed my mind that maybe I should just fly today (now yesterday). Less than 24 hours ago it first crossed my mind and now I have flown there and back. For a girl who plans EVERYTHING that is CRAZY! I had a little less than 30 minutes to pack, find someone to take my kids and head off to the airport. I bought a ticket and hopped on a plane. Once there, I rented a car and followed my prompting.

It was EXACTLY what I was supposed to do. I know it was. I have probably never been more sure of a prompting. BUT I have no idea why. Instead of understanding better why, I have more questions. I don't know that I will ever understand why. I just know I spent $900 and went 800 miles and back in 20 hours and I don't regret it at all. I KNOW I had to go. Just still no answer on why.

This morning I returned the rental car and got on my flight back home. Here I am exhausted and back within less than a day. All I know for sure is that I followed the Lord and I can't go wrong with that and that I did the bravest thing I have ever done all by myself in a strange city because of that prompting.

Our unexpected vacation..Finally an update!

I have started this post at least half a dozen times.....there are so many pictures from our trip that I start loading them, then I have to leave to do something else. I really want to remember it, though, so I am working to catch-up!

Before I continue: an update:

• CK came and went. We have been lucky enough to see each other every three weeks. I wish it could continue at that frequency, but it probably won't.
• Summer is really busy. Having 3 kids 24/7 is hard. Being a single mom is much more difficult than I imagined, and I really did think it would be hard.
• I have an odd prompting that I am going to follow. There are many times I really don't understand the Lord, but hopefully it will all be clear in a month.
• I absolutely LOVE my calling. It is a lot of work. I know, however, that this is truly where the Lord wants me right now. I have been reassured of that multiple times. I am grateful to the Primary President and the Bishopric for listening to this prompting. I know it is where I need to be. I love the primary children more than I can describe. How lucky am I!

Okay...the pictures.... (only June 21-23)

J and C at a rest stop in Colorado...almost to my parents...day 1 almost done!
J and C at a rest stop in Wyoming....already on to Day 2

Me with CK's amazing friend, C. Without even knowing us, she took us in, watched the boys while I went to the hospital, fed them dinner, gave us a place to sleep, and became an instant friend. I absolutely love her!

C's girl, M, that is C's age (whoa...too many initials!).

Visiting my grandparents' grave in Idaho.

My boys and I at the Idaho Falls Temple...gorgeous! I wish I could've done a session there.

C at the falls.

The falls with the temple in the background. So pretty!

J helping work at CK's brother's house. He loved working with D.

Me with CK's sis-in-law, K. Another instant friend! She is amazing....talented, gorgeous, loving, understanding. What a blessing to meet her. I also met CK's mom at this time, but she declined the picture. She is amazing, too. It was odd, yet just fine, meeting all of them without CK there and I just could not pass up the opportunity to meet them.

Stay tuned for more........(hopefully sooner rather than later!)......

Goodbye....Again

Life never goes quite as planned. It is a long (and difficult to explain) story that CK and I have with a future that is still unknown. CK came and visited me for the third time. And....for the third time we had to say goodbye. Tough. Tough. Tough. Thank-you, CK, for driving so many hours just to see me. Thank-you!!! -sigh- Saying goodbye is tough. Every time.

Happy

What a difference from the last few days...happy today! :)

So Lonely

We are super busy. Always so much to do....never enough time to do it all. I am trying so hard to be a good mom, but I am still failing miserably. I feel so alone. The burdens I carry seem heavier and heavier and the help and support seem farther and farther away. Who can I tell that my rash on my face is back and hurting and that I now have to go to the doctor for the 5th time regarding this? Who can I tell that I was on the phone with Dish Network for almost two horrid hours? Who is there to be excited with me for C finishing all his Wolf requirements for cub scouts? This might be "but a small moment," but in the middle of it all, it seems unbearably long.

Time Has Run Out

CK and I were hoping it never would. But, it did. Both of us felt it separately today at church. It is time. I ache, but I am ready to do the Lord's will. I hurt, but I know He won't lead us astray. I want to still be CK's best friend, but I know we crossed that line a long time ago and it is impossible to go back. A lot of lonely days and nights are ahead, but, in the words of Garth Brooks, "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance." I love you, CK. You know that, right?

Happy Birthday, C!

C turns 9 today! I love him so much. I am so impressed with the way he is maturing and growing up. He is all boy and it is so much fun. I love his smile with his dimples. I love his nurturing way that he loves me and his siblings (when he is not fighting with them). I love his desire to serve and help others. I love his sense of responsibility. He is a wonderful boy that is rapidly growing into a wonderful young man. I am so blessed to be his Mami. Love you, C!

4054 miles

We are home. :) We drove a total of 4054 miles and took 724 pictures (even after deleting many!).

It is good to be back. I have a lot of "real life" facing me now, but it is good to be ready to tackle it! We saw many people we loved. We also missed seeing many people we loved or even people I wanted to meet for the first time. It was such a whirlwind and so unexpected and, therefore, unplanned.

Colorado

We made it through the first leg. :) We are in Colorado at my parent's house. We are sitting at over 3200 miles already and a large chip in the windshield. :( It was so difficult to leave my sisters-in-law and their families and my dear parents-in-law. I love my family with all my heart.

CK update: I miss him a ton. We know that for the immediate future we have to be apart. We both have a lot of growing to do. We are excited to see what the future will bring for us. Together or separate, we will be okay. We know it. Heavenly Father loves us.

Final thought: I absolutely LOVE Time Out for Women. I didn't get to go last year, so I bought the DVD. I have been listening to it in the car (I can't really drive and watch it at the same time). I love it. The Spirit is so strong. The messages so true. The worth as a daughter of God is so tangible. The love of my Father is confirmed. I am so blessed to live in a time that I have this resource for me.

Non-Stop

We have been going, going, going, and going. It seems as though we don't get a second of free time, which might be true, but the memories made in the last two weeks will last a lifetime. In the last week, I have met a friend from middle school days, had the viewing, picked up CK, had the funeral, gone to Idaho to CK's family, participated in 4th of July festivities with his family, back to airport to drop off CK, church, family testimony meeting, temple square, visiting with amazing friends that moved from Texas to Utah and that I love so much, fireworks, and much more. It has been a whirlwind.

I actually considered extending our vacation another week and adding in some fun and unique things for the kids and I. BUT, as I prayed about it, it didn't feel right. It would be another week and a lot more driving. We are tired physically, we are tired emotionally, we are tired financially, and we are just plain exhausted. So....I will be driving again tomorrow. I already have 2700 miles under my belt and driving doesn't sound fun. Coming home does, though. I will miss my dear family so much (I still wish I lived next door), but home is home and I am ready to go.

Random Thoughts on a Wednesday Morning

I have so much going through my head...it might just be jumbled, but I wanted to document it all somehow.

• I get the unique and sacred opportunity to go with my mom and sister to dress my grandma's body for burial. I am grateful for this opportunity, even though I am certain it will be emotional. My grandma was very special and very close to all her descendants, but there is an extra special bond she shares with the three of us. I know she will be there as we dress her body and I know it will be a moment all four of us (including her) will treasure. Ironically, it was her that I went to the temple with most often during my first year after being married.
• Speaking of temples, I hope to have time to do a session this afternoon. I am going through withdrawal for not having been for a week and a half. If I do end up with the time, it will be the Provo temple, the one I went to every Wednesday with my grandma after I got done teaching. And...it is Wednesday. Perfect.
• CK flies in tonight. I am so excited. I KNOW that Heavenly Father provided for us by bringing us together for a time. Both of us have needed each other during these months and we feel so loved and taken care of to have this time to be together. The end is fast approaching, though. It will be very difficult. I will miss him a TON! But, I know this has to happen. For now, I am so grateful he is coming to support me. It is a strange feeling to have someone care about me and sacrifice for me. I am so grateful.
• The divorce has been final for six months. Half a year. I am okay. I am happy. I still miss XDH, but I probably always will. I didn't choose to be sealed to him planning to be apart from him, so the missing of him will probably always be there somewhere in the recesses of my heart. I am happy, though. I have so much to live for. I have so much good in my life. I didn't know if I could make it through this, but, with a lot of help from Heavenly Father, Friends, and Family, I have.

There you have. Random thoughts by me.

Happy Birthday, K!!!!

K is 11! She is so excited. She is the best daughter ever! She flies in today. I can't wait to see her.

Family and Friends

First, I love, love, love, love, love my in-laws. I wish we never had to leave. The house next door is for sale and I would buy it in a heartbeat if I could. I am so grateful that the divorce did not cause us to be apart. They are my sisters and my parents. I love them more than I can describe and they are so important to me. I cannot and will not give them up when I remarry. It is a package deal. I am so glad we are here.

Second, I miss K. I love her so much and being apart from her is odd. I have never been apart from her for this long. EVER. I am so glad she had fun. I am so grateful to the S Family for taking her in and taking care of her and giving her the opportunity to be at C4K for another week. It is disappointing to K (and to me) that she has to miss the last week of C4K, but she is a trooper and taking it well.

Third, CK is coming in 4 days. I am excited. I am grateful he is coming to support me at my grandma's funeral. We will spend time with my family, my in-laws, and his family. It will be a busy weekend, but I am grateful for him and his desire to be here. I know many of you are wondering what is going on. It is difficult to explain. We know that there is a "no" answer for us to be married, but there is not a "no" answer for our relationship. So, even knowing the impending heartache, we are enjoying this season (See D&C 51) of being together. It is good for us to love again. It is good for us to have a healthy romantic relationship. It is good for us to spend this time loving each other and being best friends. It is also good for us to be obedient and be apart for a while or for forever. We know it is coming, faster than we might want, but the Lord's will be done. For now, though, CK is coming in 4 days and I am so excited! :)

24.5 in 34 for 1400

Update:

My grandma did not die Saturday night like the doctors assured would happen. So, the boys and I left early Monday morning (K stayed with some dear friends to do College for Kids) to try to make it to Idaho. We drove 14 hours and slept overnight in Denver with my parents. Tuesday, we drove another 10.5 and made it to Pocatello. A friend of CK's put us up for the night, including watching my boys so I could go to the hospital.

It was worth it....24.5 hours of driving in a 34-hour time period for a total of 1400 miles.

It was worth it. I got to spend nearly 2.5 hours with my grandma. She knew who I was. She was responsive and able to communicate a little. She hugged me. She told me (even though it was difficult) that she loved me. I got to give her extra hugs and love from my mom and my sister. I left planning to go back early the next morning. I think she somehow knew I was driving from Texas and waited for me. Just over an hour later, I got a call to get to the hospital as she was agitated and struggling with breathing. I got there in about 10 minutes. I stepped off the elevator and the nurses immediately informed me that she passed away about 30 seconds before, probably while I was on the elevator.

I am okay. She looked so peaceful as I went in to her after she had died. She has been ready to go for years and now she is free of her 94-year-old mortal body. I am grateful I got to say good-bye. I am so glad I drove all those hours and I truly feel like I wasn't alone. There were angels helping me stay awake and pushing me to drive further. It is an experience I will cherish.

I love you, Grandma.

Now, I have added over 300 more miles on the car, visited some of CK's family, toured the Idaho Falls Temple visitors' center, visited the falls with my boys, and also paid respects at the gravestones of my father's parents and sisters. Being there on Wednesday meant more to me after being with my grandma on Tuesday. Just another reminder that life is too short to worry, be depressed, or focus on the negative of life.

My Dear Grandma

I have an extra, extra, extra special relationship with my grandma. We just do. We have always been super close. Well, she is unexpectedly in a hospital and now not going to make it. I will probably post one just about her and the memories, but for now.....this is the last pictures I have of her. I loved her so much. She loved XDH and my divorce was so difficult on her. Now she has been praying every day for me to find someone. I ache that she will never meet my future husband. I ache right now that I am alone in my house with no support to turn to and no shoulder to cry on. There are times when this single-thing is harder than others.

I was planning a trip to Utah around her 95th birthday. She never even knew I was coming. I am so grateful that I got to see her in December, though. Grandma....I hope you visit Texas when you get your wings! Love ya. ~Ruth

Thank-you

New Favorite Song

I have struggled some over the last day...a little anger, a little frustration, and a little depression. Sometimes it seems that while I believe all the promises I have received from Heavenly Father, He really is just sending me one heartache after another. I am fine being alone, but the heartaches are tough.

But, I remembered a song I'd heard a time or two....and I've decided it is my new favorite. Some day, I hope I will rejoice in its sentiment:

"Bless The Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you....

Envelope, Please

And, after a day of fasting and prayer,........the verdict is in. The answer is still "No." It is not CK that the Lord is planning for me. But, I have faith more than ever in His wisdom for me. He truly knows all things.

I also believe Elder Holland when he said, "Look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed to the future." So, bring on the future. If life was so great with M and so great with CK....I can only imagine what the Lord is planning for me now. :) Single or married, alone or together, I have a great life and the only thing that is certain is that the Lord knows me, loves me, and will lead me, guide me, and walk beside me.

CK

CK has come and left. It was one of the very best weekends of my life. I definitely am in-love with that man. After M, I didn't think I would ever love again, but I do or did. I don't know if I will ever see CK again. I have to follow the Lord with whatever He tells me. I know He won't lead me away from Eternal Happiness, but rather towards it. He knows exactly who is best for me and I know that if I listen I will be okay. :)

I picked CK up Friday night after Day Camp. I am sure it was a great first impression: bright orange camp shirt, wet and sweaty with yucky hair and no make up. Yet, I had become such good friends with CK before we ever met that I was okay with going straight from camp. Good thing! I didn't have a choice with the timing of it all.

Saturday, we got to go here together:
(My favorite place!) We also went bowling and I got the worst score I have EVER scored. I guess I was distracted....54. Yikes! It is embarrassing to admit that! We also played and played and played Rockband. It was fun and CK rocks at it! :) One of the things I absolutely love about CK is how much fun we have together. I don't think I have ever dated anyone that made me laugh as much as CK. I think as long as we are together that we could have fun in any situation. We just laugh. I have never been as completely myself as I am with CK either. I was close with M, but there is an added comfortability with CK that allows me to just completely be myself and if I make a fool out of myself, we just laugh...together. Oh, how I love it and oh how I am hoping I will get to experience that with him forever. Time will tell.

Sunday we went to church and to my sister's house. It was a great day.

Monday was Flag Day. I think there must be a rule: if you are a man and coming to visit me to meet me and see if you might want to marry me....you have to be here on a day to help C do flags. Here is CK with C:

And, finally, we had to have some photos together so we can remember this weekend. C was our photographer and he had fun posing us and taking pictures. Don't look too closely or you might see the tears in our eyes as we thought of saying good-bye. :(

This one is my favorite:

Good-bye, CK. Love ya.

Yep...Now my gut and my heart are having an MMA fight in my body. The thing is: I love the Lord more than I love CK. I will always follow as He directs. Always. I did with M when it was difficult to wait. I will with CK, even if it is difficult to say good-bye. I will continue to follow the Lord until He leads me to Mr. Mystery whom He promised me is out there.

Priceless

I still have many posts pending.....like Cub Scout Day Camp: One of the best days EVER of my life. I had so much fun! It was hot, I was soaked, and I got to spend time with C. What could be better?

But...for now...

Finally kissing the man that has been my best friend for months: Priceless
Sending him home Monday, never to see him again: Just Got More Difficult

3 days!

Yikes! I have been in the middle of a special post about K, but between my computer problems, the Internet not working, and Blogger being down....it is not done yet....hopefully very soon!

But I did have to mention that CK comes to meet me in 3 days! I am excited. I am also saddened. I know that CK is not going to be more than my friend. It helps me gain perspective by being on this side of a "no" answer. It is not easy. I know it was hard for M and now I know first-hand. CK has become my best friend, though, and I am still so excited to finally meet him in person. I am grateful for the sacrifices he is making to come, even knowing the outcome of our relationship. I am a lucky girl and one day he will marry one even luckier and special woman, of that I am certain. :)

Also, CK brought to my attention a blog post from a year-ish ago. OK....I tried to copy and paste and it wouldn't do it...so just go look at it....it is so true, everything I felt a year ago is so true. And, the heartache I feel now is minuscule in comparison to the pain I felt then. Time truly is a great healer. Thank goodness. Oh how great the mercy of my God! (Click here for the link)